Jackweb
Jackweb
Feb 21, 2022

The Unbroken Love

This love is in eternal flames
unquenchable flames of fire
my soul lighted by your desire
I will continually giving you new names

From ages to ages, we remain aflame
our souls have deeply connected
this love of ours on a steady flame
it's constantly reignited

our love has passed the test of time
and surviving tidal waves in the past
there's no flicker of smoke can dent it's prime
'cause eternal flames never burn out or cast

this love of ours can't be separated
it's our umbilical cord
that holds each ones life unabated
you're the princess I'm your lord

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria), NGA

Favorite Poets: Late Christopher Okigbo

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Your title is good, the rhyme, rhythm and pacing likewise.
Your beginning and end were tied together well by the whole.

Try these things to smooth it out:

1] This love is [in] eternal flames
2] My soul lighted by thy desire - delete the [is]
3] Our souls have deeply connected
4] This love of ours on a steady flame
5] It's constantly reignited
6] Our love has passed the [test ] of time
7] and surviving tidal waves in the past
8] there's no flicker of smoke can dent it's prime
9] This love of ours can't be separated
10] it's our umbilical cord

I don't normally do this, I just felt that maybe if you saw
what it could be... I enjoyed your story and urge you to keep reading and studying
other, people's work and you will be a great poet.

~ Geezer.
.

Candlewitch

I think Geezer covered all the changes I would have made. this is a beautiful and expressive love poem! I much enjoyed it :) good work.

*hugs, Cat

Jackweb

I so much appreciate you, the literary luminary in the person of "Geezer,". I don't know how to say it, but you are such a kind poet that takes others as your own blood. Your proofreading and corrections are my backbone. I will definitely put the verse in order according to the lines you itemized! Thank you so much!

CandleWitch thank you for reading through. I will definitely follow the instructions.

Ray Whitaker

Such a great piece. Mystical. Down in the depths of what love can be.

What Geezer listed above are so concise, I have little to add there.

Except: Mystical. Down in the depths of what love can be. [wait I did I already say that???]