I have found
this night guilty
it cannot produce
a fertile thought
a resurgence thick
night of restiveness
driven with empty hand shake
darkness piecing
lofty dream of souls
a possessed
pitiable chucked night
crumbled in pieces!
Dec 30, 2021
The Culprit Night [<edited]
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I get...
the idea. I'm guessing that the night was a bummer; the writing you were hoping for was not happening. Yep, been there and done that. Your idea is expressed with a bit of clarity here and I must say, that even with the difference in our languages, it comes through. The only correction I would give is: " [driven] with empty handshake." ~ Geezer.
.
Good observation
Thanks for reading through. I will surely edit the line you pinpointed.
You really got the message.
These lines
"Pitiable coal night
crumbled in pieces"
is actually very good! Most of the rest is pretty good, too.
I'm not so fond of lines 5,6,7 and 8, but they are okay. Try to find different ways to say these. Look up "wanderlust" and think if that is the right word you want to use.
I think the piece is about writer's block?
Thomas
You saw it
Trisk you are very observant. The 'wanderlust' was a challenge on me. I tried hard to find a suiting word that would energize the line. I knew this wanderlust will appear as a critique.
Thanks
You saw it
Trisk you are very observant. The 'wanderlust' was a challenge on me. I tried hard to find a suiting word that would energize the line. I knew this wanderlust will appear as a critique.
Thanks
Hi
Guilty....... Finding the exact word can be a real pain. And you may have found it with the word guilty if it suits what you are trying to convey. But try "sterile" and see if you like it better in this write about the dreaded writers block.
I thank
You Scribbler for taking out your time to read. Whatever you say about this revision would be my target. I must surely work it out and replace it with balance word.
Great appreciations!