Jokerface82
Jokerface82
Dec 17, 2021

SEE HOW IT GOES LET IT SNOW

 

I have met somebody on a dating site and

she's a bit younger she's like the brightest shiniest

star on a freezing dark black night . Glimmer of hope

a warm cosey hug on my cold death touch all feeling

snug. She's a bit older and doesn't mind I a bit younger

my problems Seem too slowly disappear sometimes when

 we're together We met in November  it's now December

I'm know longer a loner And instead  of my Heart getting

colder it has become bit warmer have become a little less

Frozen I stood out online from a dozen she's cooking a roast

dinner  in the  hot heated oven .The warmth of the fire and the

logs crackling hissing as  as I'm helping my self to some 

 pork scratchings and while  its digesting going down to

 My guts I'm helping myself to some cashew nuts l lay back on
Her soft sinking couch having a think my hands clasped holding

an skull rattled ice whiskey honeycomb drink that heats my soul
Strangles the cold. We had a wet warm kiss before this I grabbed

her round  juicy thick behind to claim she's mine ! outside the window

the backdrop of White blanket of snow under the tree I holded a mistletoe

i know this feeling won't last forever but for now we're together maybe

 this is the new me you're new fellar. Her green Hazel eyes look into my

dark damaged mind her long dirty blonde hair looks at me like she does care 

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Really rough sketch needs alot of editing and a use of punctuation for now it's still in the making. Recently changed a few things

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Uk, GBR

More from this author

Comments

Jokerface82

I have no idea how to use paragraphs and other stuff at the moment On the computer so I'm learning . Believe me I know its bad lol

Triskelion

is pretty good. I like the rhyming parts the most. You seem to have a natural skill for rhythm, too. I added this to my watch list so I can follow your edits.

Thomas

Jackweb

Each line is connected. The rythm is sound. You maintained coherency in the poem. The idea is unified without any ambiguity.

This is a senerade poetry. The two love birds meets here. I love the presentation.

S

Yep you need to first check for spelling then go from there. You just THINK this one is rough. The first poem I tried to post was gobblegook due to my lack of typing skills.But don't worry plenty of people here to help you along.

Jokerface82

I just had to write it down at first . Then when I have time I'll go back and paragraph it etc

Candlewitch

you can work out the bugs by writing it out on notepad and making adjustments and revisions.

*hugs, Cat