Geezer
Geezer
Sep 02, 2021
This poem is part of the workshop:

Stretching wings (Let's Begin)

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Sail Away...[Stretching Wings, Morphing exercise]

Air too thick to breathe
Changing skies alter the view
Squirrels chatter hide hide

Too long in the sun, says she
Why don't you come inside?
No, I'll just lie in the yard
Contemplating clouds and imagination

Dark glasses and darker drinks
Captain Morgan sweating root-beer
Slippery grip spilling icy drops
A little feeling of cheer

Eyes shaded by a blocking hand
Sipping straw gives cooling brew
I think I'm very far from land
When I hear the Captain's crew

And so I gather up imagination
The Captain has sailed away
My wife is calling me from my vacation
I've had a sunny sailing day

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

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Comments

S

the last three stanzas have the same rhyme scheme. Idealy only the last one or at most 2 should have it. But the poem was enjoyable so that's a good thing

Geezer

[ I decided rather than rework the last four stanzas, I would delete the offending ones.] I think it still works, does it?
~ Geez.
.

Jackweb

Sail Away is enjoyable verse as i began to imagine the characters involved. It's just like one minute video clip in my imagination. You handled your literary devices like a creator. Your poetic devices are very strong and they stood erect in the poem.
There are alternate rhyme scheme pattern that falls in the stanzas.

I affirm that you're a good!