The marriage of Oeagrus
sandal dust rose
in the overcast affliction
of midday
I was reaching for rain
when
horizon born Calliope
touching clouds like a spear
appeared
her lustrous beauty
in an instance of blinding fire
ate my nakedness
approaching
but then again
a vision of the wind in flux
Oh, save me
the lamb of subjection covered me
the smell of ancient dust
and steel mixed with blood
I begged her eyes
my life force gushed
highlighting her golden girdle
soporific sunshine
slept...
for this age of waste, was,
in my eyes
as I wept
and there, a marble cloud
swallowing the sun this joyous day
when Oeagrus and his company
would cast my lot to slip away
slipping to that field so bright
of flower blossoms morphed to light
the holy saints in robes of white
had gathered to my feast tonight
and for the fair Calliope
my sacrifice for all to see
Comments
Pretty good...
Hopefully, Scribbler will be as impressed.~ Geez.
.
Thanks
Geezer. It was an interesting exercise. I had to add to my earlier free verse to accommodate the rhyming morph. I just expanded on the finale. I also hope it didn't detract from the original.
Thomas
I think...
you did well. Geez.
.
Pretty good
But the change from free verse to western classic would work better if it was more gradual.In good morphing poetry the change should be so gradual as to be un-noticed. i know I'm being a bit tough now but the upcoming exercise will require this morphing poem to be excellent in its form not just good. I think we ALL want this shop to really stand out as an example of improvement via workshopping
Gonna need help
I can't see how I can make the change more subtle. Having one's throat cut can only generate so much conscious thought...lol.. I used near rhyme, rhyme separated out of meter...rhyme separated by multiple lines and I just ran out of time...any suggestions would be welcome.
Thomas
Hi Thomas
The change doesn't have to be subtle as much as gradual......Hmmmm........The final 3 stanzas with the rhyming couplet at the end work very well. The ones preceding it, although they make use of near rhymes here and there actually all read to ma as free verse. Now the change to rhyming can be granulized by first rhyming only 2 lines then changing the positions of the two lines. One could then rhyme 3 out of four lines then change the pattern to ABAB then to AABB. A good example of this experimental form is "Widow's Retreat" which can be found here on sight.Don't feel discouraged about this. i once did an entire workshop on morphing poetry
Hi Thomas
The change doesn't have to be subtle as much as gradual......Hmmmm........The final 3 stanzas with the rhyming couplet at the end work very well. The ones preceding it, although they make use of near rhymes here and there actually all read to ma as free verse. Now the change to rhyming can be granulized by first rhyming only 2 lines then changing the positions of the two lines. One could then rhyme 3 out of four lines then change the pattern to ABAB then to AABB. A good example of this experimental form is "Widow's Retreat" which can be found here on sight.Don't feel discouraged about this. i once did an entire workshop on morphing poetry