Sparks that struggled before burning bright
Particles streaming from blackened holes
Just faint specks of speeding light
Prickles of waking from numbed souls
Solar flares, big, bright and bold
Frozen truths brought to vision
Asteroids lonely, dark and cold
Great ideas, and the odd collision
Elliptical orbits, light years long
Gravity, pulsars and cosmic rays
Blazing comets, come and gone
Super novas, brighter than days
This universe, us, we human-kin
Lost in space, but found in love
Essence of heart, flies with the wind
Amongst the stars, that shine above
Looking for life in the void out there
Suns and planets, in the "Bio-Zone"
We have so many things to share
Things that may, be just our own
Compassion and love, for a start
Risk, adventure, and joy of life
And some things, dear to each heart
Like guns and bombs, and a real sharp knife
Jealousy and deception; human stock-in-trade
We have plenty, we'll give you some
I wonder if ..... they should be afraid
Well, ready or not, here we come!
Comments
Thanks Xena...
I'm so glad that it didn't spoil it for you. I don't why it it turned out that way, but I'm pleased at the way it did.
Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Gee x
Gee
Gee,
I am so pleased it took that darker twist at the end...it was poetically beautiful to start with and then you gave it some real punch!
Great tight rhyming sequence, and delivered without feeling forced.
I think vision and collisions...needs to have the 's' removed from 'collisions'...just to make it a perfect rhyme like the rest of the poem, maybe a tweak is needed. This is just an alternative version for consideration:
Solar flares, big, bright and bold
Frozen truths brought to vision
Asteriods lonely, dark and cold
Great ideas, and the odd collision
Obviously it lacks a chorus and bridge!! Lol!
I really enjoyed it my friend,
HS
I like your...
suggestions and will implement them. Thanks HS. ~ Gee ~ P.S. Feel free to write a bridge and chorus. I'd be really interested to see what you come up with.
Gee
Gee,
how could I turn down the opportunity to write you a chorus?
Please note the correct spelling of 'Asteroids'.
----------------------------------------------
Communicate This
Sparks that struggled before burning bright
Particles streaming from blackened holes
Just faint specks of speeding light
Prickles of waking from numbed souls
Super Highway dragged into demise
The virtual warfare slowly multiplies
Solar flares, big, bright and bold
Frozen truths brought to vision
Asteriods lonely, dark and cold
Great ideas, and the odd collision
Super Highway drenched in lies
Corruption rife in virtual disguise
Elliptical orbits, light years long
Gravity, pulsars and cosmic rays
Blazing comets, come and gone
Super novas, brighter than days
People hidden behind flickering screens
Most are genuine, but many are fiends
Identities hidden so you can't be sure
Their masked faces are too obscure
People hidden, behind flashing screens
But who is really behind the scenes?
Identities concealed with such ill intent
Forced to filter out, those well-meant
This universe, us, we human-kin
Lost in space, but found in love
Essence of heart, flies with the wind
Amongst the stars, that shine above
Super Highway dragged into demise
The virtual warfare slowly multiplies
Looking for life in the void out there
Suns and planets, in the "Bio-Zone"
We have so many things to share
Things that may, just be our own
Super Highway drenched in lies
Corruption rife in virtual disguise
Compassion and love, for a start
Risk, adventure, and joy of life
And some things, dear to each heart
Like guns and bombs, and a real sharp knife
Jealousy and deception; human stock-in-trade
We have plenty, we'll give you some
I wonder if ..... they should be afraid
Well, ready or not, here we come!
kind regards,
HS
I don't know...
where my reply to this comment and wonderful chorus went to, but I want to make sure that you know what a pleasure it is to have you respond to my work so well. I loved this, and can hardly wait to see what we might come up with in the future, should we really co-write something. Thank you so very much, [ Correct spelling of asteroids noted]. ~ Gee
Gee
Gee,
I knew your feelings about the chorus via PM, so I knew you were happy about it.
I keep missing comments too, and I end up checking through my old posted work and find somebody else who has commented and I didn't know about it!
As you know, I am going to include this piece on my website as it was an honour to co-write with you and I will be proud to have it within my site.
In 2011, I hope we can do another...a Killer & Hood poem/song.
Kind regards,
HS
I love it when we follow our
I love it when we follow our muse, never know where s/he leads us.
In this case, an about face, hup two three, four, why make peace when we can make war!
~A
Yes...
I followed my muse, and she took a new orbit ! LOL Thanks, ~ Gee
communicate
Perhaps the reason we haven't heard from 'Them" is their fear of us lol. I enjoyed this a lot but have a few alternates :
l-19 so many things to share
l-20 try may just be
l-23 try dear to each heart
just a couple of ideas..................scribbler
After some careful
After some careful consideration, I decided to implement some suggestions by HS, and Scribbler.
with sparks of thought that fire the pistons of life
Oh Sir Gee you make me fall and spin
and orbit space, watching all around me as I go,
and in awe of it all,
this is a truly shooting star poem,
with sparks of thought that fire the pistons of life
with wonder and excitement.
I fear we have little weapons compared
with the great wide universe
and its arsenal of hidden powers,
if we unleash this..... we are but toys.
Well put my knight of the realm.
From your erstwhile Queen Ann.
Thank you...
my Queen. I was trying to show the vastness of our universe compared with the smallness of man. It seems that we are too big for our world, but too small to put aside our differences. When we do have contact with another civilization, I fear that they will shun us for our xenophobia. ~ With love, ~ Sir Gee
Dear Sir Gee,
I loved the way this piece unfolded and the twisty ending. I fear you may be right about the situation. Favorite lines:
Jealousy and deception; human stock-in-trade
We have plenty, we'll give you some
I wonder if ..... they should be afraid
Well, ready or not, here we come!
love, Cat (and eddy, too!)
Those are...
my favorite lines too! I often wonder if we might see the advent of contact with another civilization from the reaches of space, before my time here on this earth is over, but I know that they are out there! I think that if they are watching us, they are mightly afraid that we are too aggressive and xenophobic, to deal with. I mean, if we can't get along with the differences of human kind, what makes us think that we could get along with a being that doesn't look at all human?
Thanks for the read and comment. Love and hugs, [handshake for Eddy] ~ Gee
A small creature like me
dares to intrude
but i withdraw
such lovely poetry
i can' afford to saw.
No small...
creature are you! Thank you for the read and comment. I'm glad you liked it! ~ Gee
I am A Creator
On Triond they don't publish
Any other article of mine
Elsewhere
Unless i send it for publication through
Authspot only
They publish
And
So i have made a handsome amount
Of perhaps dollars forty
Maybe less in 1 plus 10 months
That’s not less
Over 3450 poetry now i guess
So when i like
I comment
And if i like it more
I compose a poem
It’s for the recipient
I suppose to accept or dispose
Thanks to y'all slang,
Not good at it
www.triond.com
lovely honey
Excellent!!
I love the science - and a real twist at the end. And the end! "Well, ready or not, here we come". Be scared, be very scared universe - the monster human race is on it's way!
Enjoyed reading this poem and the rhyming is perfect! well thought out.
Love Mand xxxxxxxx
To paraphrase...
a well known character from an old T.V. show, and a new movie, " I love it, when a poem comes together". I had a little help from a couple of our poets here, and their critique, and it was just the thing to help make this what it is. I love being able to get the feedback from Neo. Thanks for the thoughts and praise, love ya, ~ Gee xxxxxxxx
I'm not sure...
if anyone saw the parallels between Neo. and the poem, but I tried to show what I see here at Neo. [ Not that I think there are monsters here at Neo.] I think that you are the only one to mention emotions, and that makes me think that I was on the right track. My muse and I thank you, Love ya, ~ Gee
Yes, I know...
There are so many people who have come and gone, [like comets] temper tantrums, [solar flares] and I guess you get the idea. I love Neo. and all the people here. The last stanza, was my muse, sticking her two cents in. She's a lovely soul, just a little cynical. My love to you and yours this holiday. Higgest bugs and lotta love, ~Gee
This one's pretty cool-
Not so good at appreciating the pretty imagery myself.
But I'll send this one to Thal.
She'd like it.
Thx 4 posting.
Yes...
do send this on to Thal. I can't thank you enough for all the reads and comments, it makes me glad to know that there are new poets coming to the site, that appreciate my work. ~ Geez.
.