raj
Feb 16, 2011

Life's Uncertainties

In a pack of cards
clubs spades diamonds and hearts
wait with baited breath

Lady luck arrives
to shuffle them upside down
keeping her secrets

Kings may lose their heart
Queens might shed their diamonds,
Clubs spades are laid down

What Fate may hand out
is as mysterious as
life's uncertainties

About This Poem

Last Few Words: A string of Haikus

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

K

A juicy string it is...!

Love how you thought of it and then created each suit a suit into form, never forgetting lady luck and fate!

Way to go Raj!

~A

p.s. however they may be more closely related to a senryu.

;-)

R

thank you for visiting this page and your comment...i will neeed to look up what Senryu form is like...thanks for the tip...

you have rightly said that i have a way to go...i keep trying to improvise..

R

i hadn't done a Haiku for a few years...good to know that it has come out well...

much love..

mand

mand

14 years 2 months ago

This is very clever - and so true.

Kings may lose their heart
Queens might shed precious diamonds,
Clubs spades are laid down

What Fate may hand out
is as mysterious as
life's uncertainties.

I've learn't something new today - I didn't know that a senryu or haiku could have more than one stanza.

You have done a great job - I'm very impressed.

Love Mand xxxxxx

R

thank you for your time to visit this page and leave an appreciative comment...once i got through the first haiku i sort of got caught on a wave and built onto it..

much love..

loved

loved

14 years 2 months ago

haikuists
to write a poem in haiku
the second time i read yours
i found u had beaten me in my thought
as always
raj but this line always foxes me

with a baited breath

loved

when to use which one ?
is what often foxes me
held with abated breath
or
held by a baited breath

i went to the dcictionary
so there is just a subtle difference
poets may how ever ignore .
and ur english is far superb
as compared to mine

R

thank you for your time and leaving an appreciative comment..at the time i came up with this one as a string of Haikus i didnt know it is called a Senryu until Anna mentioned it in her comment..

R

raj

14 years 2 months ago

thank you for your comment...i am no expert but i worked on this one and feels good to know that it is being appreciated...

much love always..

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 2 months ago

Raj,

great theme and use of Haiku.

One issue, 'Diamonds' is three syllables?

but do not worry my friend:

In a pack of cards
Clubs, spades, diamonds and hearts
wait with baited breath

Kings may lose their heart
Queens might shed their diamonds,
Clubs spades are laid down

regards,

HS

R

raj

14 years 2 months ago

i tried to read out the word diamonds aloud a couple of times and counted..it sounds like two syllables to me...is there a way to find out the syllable count?..

thanks for looking at my write more closely and for your comment...which is appreciated...

regards

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 2 months ago

Raj,

you can always use:

http://www.howmanysyllables.com/hms/words/

I didn't mean to pick holes in your work my friend, but at least the little tweaks make them proper haiku without losing the theme of your writes.

regards,

HS

R

raj

14 years 2 months ago

ofcourse I know your good intentions..thanks for the link...you are so resourceful and helpful...much appreciated..

R

raj

14 years 2 months ago

thanks to you..i am getting the edit done to make the two verses conform to 5-7-5...

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 2 months ago

Raj,

were these any good?

In a pack of cards
Clubs, spades, diamonds and hearts
wait with baited breath

Kings may lose their heart
Queens might shed their diamonds,
Clubs spades are laid down

regards,

HS

R

raj

14 years 2 months ago

yes ofcourse...i already got them done and uploaded here..

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 2 months ago

raj,

looks good to me.

regards,

HS

Hooded Stranger

Anna,

I wasn't aware that Haiku doesn't have to be a perfect 5-7-5. Does it still have to have 17 syllables?

Off to check out your links too.

Thanks

HS

ps. sorry Raj, if I have been too strict with my Haiku rules!