Simon
Simon
Jun 21, 2021

ADMIRING NATURE

I free my mind like evening bird
Which spreads it's wings and flies
When the sun set with a glittering color
That beautifies the skies end
It attracts the inserts to be freed out
Of their nest
With it's golden shiny reflection
While the bats dangles with the wind
That pleases the earth surface
To assemble themselves for dinner

I open my arms and embrace the breath
Of nature that flows freshly from north
Towards me when the moon smiles
Broadly at the night
I gladen my heart and enjoy the art
Of nature in the skies in different shapes
And appreciate the power of creation
While the trees dances sheen to unsound tune

The decoration of the diamonds
In the skies unveiles the face of nature
As they twinkles
Blinking above so high in the heaven's bower
I kept watch on them but sleep beckons me in
And I began to imagine the soft hold of my bed
Where I lay me down to rest.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , abuja

Favorite Poets: Any good poet of my likening

More from this author

Comments

C

try this like the evening bird
now you have used the word free twice almost in a row what if the second free you use spreads as in spreads it's wings
the sentence then would be which spreads it's wings and flies(change fly to flies to follow your line through
insects to be freed (there is that word again) may I suggest the word coaxed
drop the s on the word dangles
add an s to flow
drop the s on the word dances
gladen should be gladden
drop the s on twinkles
instead of deepens try the word beckons

you have written a very serene and comforting poem which is quite lovely

S

I very much enjoyed the poem but there are do things that need correcting.So I'll post it below with corrections made. :
I free my mind like evening bird
Which frees it's wings and fly
When the sun sets with a glittering color
That beautifies the day's end.........Hmmm I'm a bit unsure what you meant
It attracts the insects to be freed out
Of their nest
With it's golden shiny reflection
While the bats dangle with the wind
That pleases the earth's surface
To assemble themselves for dinner

I open my arms and embrace the breath
Of nature that flows freshly from north
Towards me when the moon smiles
Broadly at the night
I gladen my heart and enjoy the art
Of nature in the sky in different shapes
And appreciate the power of creation
While the trees dance sheen to unsound tune

The decoration of the diamonds
In the sky involves the face of nature
As they twinkle
Blinking above so high in the heaven's bower
I kept watch on them but sleep beckoned me in......again i hope this is what you meant
And I began to imagine the soft hold of my bed
Where I lay me down to rest...............I hope the tiny corrections are of use