AN ANGEL'S SONG
We ventured out in the gray of night,
On amber furrows beneath the linden trees,
Where the breeze caressed you're naked knees,
Smooth as a stream, kissed by the moonlight.
The fountains which sobbed in the marble square
Bequeathed to the brisk, aromatic air
A somnolence of grace, repose and song,
As me worshiped you're black and braided hair,
Which sighed to the stars, mellifluous and long.
John Lars Zwerenz
Last Few Words: Mystical oriented, metered, rhyming verse...
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
You're?...
Me worshipped? I think you have some work to do. ~ Geezer.
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To Geezer
The typos are do to a computer glitch. My apologies. John Lars Zwerenz
"The typos are "do" to a
"The typos are "do" to a computer glitch." thats bollocks, and you know it.
you are too good to allow a piece to be posted with typos,
I'm guessing that you use misspellings as a hook to draw a reader into "you're" piece.
Obi.
Okay...
No need for apologies, just letting you know. ~ Geezer.
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