Season Of Spring Contest!

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Golden Pond...

Gold fish swim lazy
Still pools of deep dark water
Cherry blossoms bloom

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Written while listening to Japanese music with water background.

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Thanks Mark...

I took care of the title. Better?
~ Geez.
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Thank you...

I wrote it while listening to some very relaxing Japanese music and waterfalls, it seems like it helped. ~ Geez.
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in all points: title, lazily, and alliteration (I like the alliteration). I'm not sure the idea of a pool and flowing are consistent. I think pools are still. I appreciate the contrast of the dark pool and the light cherry blossoms.

I do believe...

that I will take the idea of the pool being still./ Thank you! ~ Geez.
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Three visuals that bind the

Three visuals that bind the piece together.
Well written.

Obi.

Thanks...

It is hard for 'Westerners' to remove alliteration. I guess it goes with the thought that everything has to be spelled out. ~ Geez.
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