Aphrodite
Borne of
mellifluous music...
Diving within the tune
Magic kaleidoscope
turnings
Flicker and flash
of fiery stars
As sensual
waterfalls resonate
She trickles through
the stream of night
Immersed in an
all consuming beat
Then all at once
she'll surface,
Viewing the falcons wing
in flight
From her seat atop
the comet's tail!
Last Few Words: another poem from the manuscript "Mirror/rorriM" all suggestions are happily welcome. Thanks, Cat.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Thanks Lonnie,
Your comments and suggestions are always welcome here. I can see I have some punctuation issues to deal with here, lol!
always, Cat
True
a true characterization of the godess, and the godess that is woman
Hello Tommi!
It was very nice meeting you and talking on "chat" the other day! Thank you so much for reading my Goddess poem and taking the time to comment on it. I appreciate it very much!
always, Cat
Oh cat
i love this one, cant pick a fav part
Lou
Thanks Lou,
I love ya dearly!
always, Cat
And goddess of love
And goddess of love
on earth
mother earth
thy name is
Woman
Dearest Loved,
Thank you! I appreciate your comments.
always, Cat
hi cat
As neural waterfalls resonate' ?? neural
- this word really pulled me up in the write
i kept going back to it as it annoyed me - kind of jarred
- lol sorry cat - i know what you are saying but i would use something different here
- but then lol - as you know, that's just me
- acoustic, animate, phonic, sensual, connecting...
'Then all at once
she'll surface,
Viewing the falcons wing
in flight From her seat atop
the comet's tail!'
- love this
- lol - it is perhaps just me
but 'the comet's tail' made me smile
- as aphrodite is tended to be seen as the goddess of fertility as opposed to eros as the emotion of love
did you mean it as a metaphor for the sperm ??.... which would make the falcon's wings the fallopian tubes (smile)
anyway that's how i read it lol - as well as the visual of her on an actual comet tail
great write cat
love judy
xxx
Dear Judy,
Thanks for your descerning eye! Good call! I will change that one word which bothered you. I did not think of it as a metaphor, but I like very much that you thought of it... so now it is a metaphor, lol! Thank you for your suggestion... now to choose which word...
love, Cat
yea cat
that's what i love about word-usage and deconstruction
the reader can get so much more from a poem than the writer ever intended
... there's the gift of poetry
hugs
judy
xxxx
the metaphor
I just wanted to add to judyannes comment and say I too believed it to be a metaphor and felt it almost magical and mythical in effect.
thanks again
Tommi
Dear Tommi,
It is a joy and a pleasure having you readind and commenting on my poems! Thank you very much!
always, Cat
Hello Ian,
Thank you. It was nice talking with you on "Chat"
always, Cat
Hi
I think when I write on a Greek mythic theme I tend to see the gods in their human aspect it's what makes it fun for me.
From her seat atop a comets tail... an epic line I wish I'd coined that phrase and such a strong ending that's the best way I believe it's half the battle also to know when and how to end a poem it's integral xxx
dearest Dalton,
you have increased my worth by ten fold. thank you greatly for reading and critiquing one of my happier pieces of poetry! I am pleasantly surprised... you have given me a much needed lift.
*many hugs, Cat
Hi Cat
I love poetry on a Greek mythic theme and that last line was really effective. I have written several on the theme of Sappho and the Greek legends it's something to do during lockdown. I love to go back to writers earlier poems it's interesting for me and nice to think of you in a happier time I know it's very hard at the moment and I won't say more because it's a sensitive subject. It's important I think to encourage other poets I don't have that much confidence in my stuff but I was touched by your poem keep writing
John
Hi Cat
I love poetry on a Greek mythic theme and that last line was really effective. I have written several on the theme of Sappho and the Greek legends it's something to do during lockdown. I love to go back to writers earlier poems it's interesting for me and nice to think of you in a happier time I know it's very hard at the moment and I won't say more because it's a sensitive subject. It's important I think to encourage other poets I don't have that much confidence in my stuff but I was touched by your poem keep writing
John
Hi Cat
I love poetry on a Greek mythic theme and that last line was really effective. I have written several on the theme of Sappho and the Greek legends it's something to do during lockdown. I love to go back to writers earlier poems it's interesting for me and nice to think of you in a happier time I know it's very hard at the moment and I won't say more because it's a sensitive subject. It's important I think to encourage other poets I don't have that much confidence in my stuff but I was touched by your poem keep writing
John
Hi Cat
Strange repeated my comment there
Be well John
Hi Cat