NARRATIVE POETRY SHOP (Let's get started)

(Read More...)

Deleted: Narrative Shop: A Day In The Life Of... (edited) see added note!

*added note below:

PLEASE don't respond to this one but instead comment on: Narrative Shop entry #2 A Day In The Life Of... A pussycat

About This Poem

Last Few Words: please read and comment on : Narrative Shop entry #2 A Day In The Life Of... A pussycat

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

I like this...

It shows that one can make a poem of just about anything! I like the line about quick expletives, but think that maybe [short]
or [four-letter] expletives might give a better feel. The third line, third stanza might be a little smoother if: [Though not in its' path, I screamed just the same] ? Nice stuff! ~ Gee.
.

thanks, Geez,

I've made the changes!

*hugs, Cat

Interesting Topic!

As I am not accustomed to giving critique I really don't know how or what to say, except that, while I enjoyed reading your poem I would have enjoyed it more if it were longer.

Sharonlee Imageweaver

A valid...

criticism! ~ Geez.
.

I hardly thing a comment on

I hardly think a comment on length is criticism.

more...

I'm sorry for the shortness of this piece. but I really couldn't think of anymore...if I had gone on, it would have felt forced. and I had trouble with the style as I ventured into a realm unfamiliar to my experience. thank you both for your critique, it is appreciated.

*hugs, Cat

WHY?

did you think you had to use this particular style? I don't recall requiring any particular style. If you think this style inhibited you Please feel free to edit this up to a total rewrite if you so please

it exhaugsts me to think

of a rewrite. I'm having a very bad day. my 17 & 1/2 year old cat Bennington is suffering from the later stages of kidney failure. on Monday Steve will take him into the vet to put to rest his struggle. he is laying on his fuzzy blanket, on my legs. I think he may be of more comfort to me than I am to him. I will keep up on the assignments as it keeps my mind busy.

*hugs, Cat

Pets

own us as much as we own them. The rewrite was held out as an idea not a requirement. Hope your cat passes peacefully

dear Stan,

thank you for your kind and gentle condolences. we will do our best to see to his peace and comfort. we have been "his" since we brought him home as a six week old kitten :)

*hugs, Cat

workshop critique

A poem that flirts with the boundaries between lyric and narrative, I am not sure you have a beginning middle and end as in a story but you have an interesting set of reactions to a tornado.
I think if you are doing a revision it would be good to up the imagery a little show the tornado rather than tell.
Show what the day was like you have an interesting story just needs a little more spice. Sam

thanks Sam,

I gave this one up and wrote another: "A Day In The Life Of....A pussycat (entry #2 for Narrative Shop) I would love your thoughts on that.

*hugs, Cat