burning you
in effigy
sounds so very
good to me...
so why not burn you
in the flesh?
I'll be fanning the flame to
keep it fresh
your kind of affection
I have found;
is like cold ashes
on the ground.
I've packed my bags
and pulled up stakes,
I'll leave you to
the rattlesnakes!
*this poem was written by my malevolent, murderous, MALE alter ego, eddy styx
Last Few Words: I would also appreciate title suggestions, as I don't care much for the one I used. thank you in advance, eddy styx *thanks to Geez for the big assist :)
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
How about?...
"You Flaming F..." Lol.
Eddy certainly has it in for this one! I guess leaving him tied to a stake with branches 'round his feet, is a blessing, would be preferable to whatever else Eddy might have planned for him! Of course Killer and I love this! My only crit is that the second stanza seems a little bit out of whack. How about:
so why not burn you
in the flesh?
I'll be fanning the flame to
keep it fresh
I think it makes it a little smoother. Of course, as always, you are the Boss! ~ Geez.
.
hello Geez!
LOL! I very much like the way your twisted mind works. I'll be making the changes shortly...Greetings to Killer, too!
*ever, eddy
always, Cat