Simon
Simon
Apr 23, 2021

UNQUIET SLEEP

Eyes are closed
Ears are dimed
The mind's slowing deep in the sleep
The soul still awake
Though that's a dream kind of

Some dreams are foresacken
Such that body can't be taken
Like fighting and playing
Running or walking
It just depends on the act
Singing or shouting
Talking or subbing
Perhaps groaning aloud
One might be tearing apart

At dawn been awake but weak
Body painfully and aching
I have journeyed beyond the physical.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Most of the time we sleep but can't resting but it's based on what so ever reason.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , abuja

Favorite Poets: Any good poet of my likening

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

I think that your title is a little unclear, and could be improved upon. I could relate to the body of your poem because I am an insomniac and have to use sleeping pills. even then I don't feel real rested, as I wake up several times in the night. your language communicates how you feel.

*hugs, Cat

C

first line why not use eyes are closed
second line ears are dimmed
third line into
I would drop the kind of in the fourth line
either for I have journeyed or for one has journeyed
see if you like the flow any better
these are only suggestions