Neopoet Random Challenge number 1

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Chilling Out With Robots... [Challenge]

We're chilling out with the robots
Mr. Spock and I are so cool
Sitting here and drinking weird shit
This damn stuff is making us drool

Too bad they can't do the mind-meld
And do secret communiques
But they have a feature we don't
Their eyes, containing death-rays

Cooling systems with a liquid
They live on electricity
They don't drink or eat anything
Just keep charging the batteries

Guess it's all in your perspective
And what you think of as chilling
But hanging out with the robots
Just ain't what I call fulfilling

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Chilling Out with Robots

Hi, Geezer,
Having never followed Star Trek too closely, your poem has now educated me a bit! "Mind meld" - love that you've used it here. Your rhyme pattern is tight, and your language is a lot of fun! I wonder - is "the" in the first line necessary? And the third stanza, maybe "systems" plural, and the last line of that stanza perhaps "Just keep recharging their batteries"? Your final stanza is great, it brings the title and the entire theme to completion.
Thank you!
L

Thanks for...

bringing the rhyme pattern to my attention; I have made all lines with eight beats now. I am glad that you enjoyed my little poem and got an education on Mr. Spock. ~ Geez.
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You hade me at Mr. Spock Geez

You hade me at Mr. Spock Geez! Although, I think you may have been a bit harsh about the Saurian brandy they were obviously drinking, LOL! I love it when poetry is fun and doesn't take itself too seriously (note to self...). Well done sir!

Best

I do so enjoy...

having fun with writing. I am a big fan of the macabre and sarcastic stuff as well as just plain having fun! Even my Killer poems have the element of humor and sarcasm. Anyway, thanks for stopping by and commenting. ~ Geez.
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I feel trekked

Nice hint adding Spock. Makes me wonder how Kirk and co. really felt hanging 'round with bots so much?
You made me think! *slow clap*
And hey, maybe I haven't found your cool and creepy stuff yet, but you're pretty fun to read Mr. Geez guy. C'ya again tomorrow.

Thanks man...

I've always tried to make people think. No matter, if it's a love poem to my wife, a work about a funny dream I had, or a poem for my mom. [Kisses Through The Window] I love twisted endings, and real life, funny shit. ~ Geezer.
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