You are the disease that spreads,
The pain that never ebbs,
Waiting evoking,
Round my throat silently choking,
Despising deeply determined to offend,
Will the headache and heartbreak ever end?
You are the disease that spreads,
The pain that never ebbs,
Waiting evoking,
Round my throat silently choking,
Despising deeply determined to offend,
Will the headache and heartbreak ever end?
Last Few Words: I wrote this last night as I was so down.
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hi Mark
Thankyou so much lovely I will try that, I find when I'm down writing helps me feel better even though the outcome is not always good, thankyou so much for your feedback xxx
Hi Teddy
Great to hear from you! I sometimes try to write in a singy songy kind of way! I should maybe try write something something shiny and happy next time to stop unleashing my monsters on you all lol xxxx
Oh wow !
Family Portrait was on Instagram! That's amazing thankyou so much for telling me, and thankyou for supporting my work xx
welcome back
This poem does a good job conveying emotion. You might play around some with the placement of your commas i think
Thanks
Yes I am awful with punctuation I admit that, I will get to editing it. Thankyou for your thoughts xx
Even though...
your title is not conducive to a fun read, I read it and was emotionally involved. That's good! So good to see you writing!
Yes, yes, and yes! Try writing something shiny and happy! It can chase away the blues very quickly. Sometimes, when I am
not feeling my best, I try to write happy thoughts and make fun of the things that come from under my pen. [keyboard]. You will be surprised at the things that can come of it. Keep writing! ~ Geezer.
.
Shiny and happy
My love poems are happy but that is as far as its gone, yes I agree writing happy thoughts can get rid of depression at least for a while.