Double Cinquain

Time yields
radiant solids:
the hurtling hail, gemstones
on wedding-bands, your epitaph
on bronze.

My heart:
did you avow
this magic starry sky
is less ephemeral, or brief,
than life?

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Río Negro, Argentine Patagonia , ARG

Favorite Poets: Sylvia Plath

Comments

Thank you, dear Teddy. I

Thank you, dear Teddy. I wrote them ages ago. You know my muse is on holiday...You're too kind, don't know about "exquisite", but I'm grateful.
Best wishes, Gracy

I came back because I found

I came back because I found these cinquains in my files! Something always saves the day for me to come back and join my dear pals at Neopoet.
Gracy

Thank you, dear Teddy. I do

Thank you, dear Teddy. I do hope you're right about my Muse. I love coming here as much as you do! Best wishes, Gracy

Hello, Gracy
So good to see you and your poignant poem. Beautiful imagery. The more I read this, the more meaningful and lovely it becomes.
Thank you!
L
(Hmm...are you counting 'radiant' with 2 syllables or 3?)

I'm also happy to be here,

I'm also happy to be here, dear L. I'm glad you like my cinquains. I count 3 syllables in radiant. Dunno for sure...lol
All the best, Gracy

I can picture...

your head tilted back, looking up at the starry-heavens and wondering about where does life go? Does it just end?
That's my interpretation. Beautiful, no matter how you meant it. ~ Geez.
.

Nice cinquains!

I really love the “more is less” poems. Makes people think, and your poems does make people think, very effectively! I had to re-reade it a couple of times... came off the thrid reading , same as the first! With a “Wow”!

Oh Ray, thank you so much for

Oh Ray, thank you so much for your kind comments. I'm glad the cinquains make you think. It's nice when one can connect through poetry.
Best wishes, Gracy

Dear Geez, I like your

Dear Geez, I like your interpretation of my cinquains. I think you're right. Love to be back here. My Muse is still stubborn.
Best wishes, Gracy