Old Coat

I wake up adorned in the raiment of grief
Like an old coat, worn and threadbare
in all of the usual places

The pockets always seem full
with memories and images of the ones I’ve lost
My familiar acquaintance, sadness, is in there too

These things fade for a bit,
but they are always safely tucked away
avoiding the holes in the fabric time tries to put there

Despite appearances to the contrary,
the coat has been very well made
by all of the tailors no longer here

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Not sure if the coat analogy is too contrived - thoughts?

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: San Francisco Bay Area - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Bukowski

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Michael

wow your write is impeccable just beautiful full of imagery but so very sad think I might have to follow you lol
perfect write thank you

Thank you Chrys! Yes, this is

Thank you Chrys! Yes, this is a very melancholy piece. Always appreciate your thoughts, and the visit.

FYI - I thought Ray had a good suggestion, so I have edited the 3rd stanza. I think it works well.

Best

I like this, so in tune with

Some of the other poems posted tonight. A brutal sort of honesty, a discussion of the places we end up in our lives.

I would only suggest that you keep to the three line stanzas:

“avoiding the holes in the fabric
time tries to put there

To put into the same line:

avoiding the holes in the fabric time tries to put there

Thank you Ray - Great

Thank you Ray - great suggestion! I've edited the poem, and I think it does help with the rhythm and flow. Much appreciated!

Best