As he leaned into me
I flirted with the ghost
Of the last love he had left,
He let his body be her host.
Loving him felt like sad theft,
For shadows still haunted his throat.
Feb 24, 2021
The Ghosts You Hid
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I think...
that I get it. "He let his body be her host," is that he let her use his body and didn't ever stop wanting her? [That's why it felt like a sad theft.] "Her name still in his throat?" [He sometimes stumbled when he went to say your name?] I'm all for brevity in
a poem, yet I agree, maybe you could clear it up a little bit. How about saying: "Loving him felt like a sad theft
. . Because he had never let go
.and shadows still haunted his throat.
It's your work, you decide if you or what you want to use. Nice stuff! ~ Geezer.
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Hi Maddy
A belated welcome to Neopoet. A vert succinct poem which gives the reader a lot to think about and can be interpreted to mean more than one thing