mand

Feb 15, 2011

Puppy Love

Little puppy yummy
With a pink pop bellied tummy
Oh so tiny! button nose, moist and shiny.

Round and round she wheels
Roly-poly head over heels
Briskly dashing, rough and tumble speed crashing.

Greeting those she misses
With excited icky kisses
Wanting cuddles, sometimes piddling puddles.

A soft bundle of fur
Belying a mouth full of grr
Sharp playful bites, tearing a hole in my tights.

Stealing granddad’s kipper
Shredding his brand new slipper
Chewing, gnawing, digging holes and exploring.

Squeaking her plastic chop
And fiercely attacking the mop
Shaking, growling, mischievously prowling.

Rummaging in the bin
Ouch! trapping her nose in a tin
Whining for a treat, getting under my feet.

Bounding after a stick
Learning to perfect a new trick
Fetching the ball, running away when we call.

Curling into a heap
Liquid brown eyes laden with sleep
Twitching paws, whimpering whistles as she snores.

Snuggling on my chest
Looking anything but a pest
Bonded together, always and forever.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

Hi Shirl me girl

Hellooo, I hope you're o.k - ( summer's on it's way and your wedding day ) Woop Woop!!

Thanks Shirl - I'll definatley change the title and I'll look into your other suggestions and will edit soonish.

Thanks for your time, effort and interest.

Keep safe my friend.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

Charming and adorable ode to

Charming and adorable ode to le petit puppy. Loved every single word and how you danced with them.

Perhaps you'll consider omitting *up* ...snuggled on my chest. the up is imo superfluous.

I want a puppy now, ok.... deep breath, that's a girl, Anna, consider the poem. ;-)

Hi Anna

I hope you are o.k! I will be doing an edit based on yours and Shirleys suggestions asap. And I'd like to say a big thank you to both of you for your help and interest.

Thanks once again Anna

P.s She is gorgeous!!

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

Have you heard of Pam Ayres?

she calls her poems "pomes". That is what this is. Nothing real to say. Cute for a kid book.

Now having said that very cruel thing, mand, I know you can do better.

Hey, I'm not against light or silly poetry, I delight in dirty limericks, but this one didn't create enough to become something worthwhile. Sorry. I know you can do better. Maybe you meant no better, but childrens poetry can still be good poetry and I think you can do it.

Hi Jess

Good to have you come by! I remember reading a few poems of Pam Ayres - she was funny and witty. Thank you for your honesty, I do appreciate it!!

I agree with you, my sixth sense was telling me that this was an ordinary poem about an ordianry subject - the problems was that I was half way through before I came to that realization and I didn't want to abandon it. Lol

I wonder if it's better to give up on a poem than struggle on and feel unsatisfied with it.

I can't seem to maintain a high standard, After creating a reasonable poem all the energy and imagination seems to disappear! I am in awe of people who write poems one after the other and maintain a high standard. ( Many of which are on this site ).

I know I have alot to learn and I need to learn how to help others - hopefully it will come together over time.

Thank you for your help and I'll try to do better next time.

Love Mand xxxxxx

that is such as struggle

I sympathies completely. Whether to edit,. completely re-write or give up.

Hi Shirl

Thanks Shirl - It's a strange thing that I did think of that title but for some reason I didn't follow through with it! so as soon as you suggested it I knew it was the right title. Thanks Shirl me girl - your a dream.

Love Mand xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ha ha

I like it! especially the last line. He he.

I think you're right it would jolly along better in limerick form - Wish I'd have thought of that, it would have saved alot of time. Lol

Thanks Bee - I appreciate your comments and you made me smile. ( a bonus for me ).

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Hi Bee

Spanners are good - they help to fix things. Lol

There once was a puppy yummy
who had a pink pop bellied tummy
she was a bit tiny,
and her nose was quite shiny
but her countenance was very funny. That type of thing?

Ha ha! I like the idea, it's whether I've got the will to change it! ( being the lazy person I am ).

I'll think on your suggestion - which, by the way, is much appreciated.

Love Mand xxxxxx

Every subject (in this case a

Every subject (in this case a puppy) has already been immortalized in every poetic fashion, rest assured; we just may not be aware of it....

So for the poet (in this case Mand) it is quite probably the first time, or the first time in a long time.

Sometimes I enjoy poetry for what it is, and not what it isn't.

(Like mirrors....objects in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear.)

Ahh!

Zak sounds so cute - he sits on your knee while you stroke him behind the ears!! and he closes his eyes. Soo sweet. The pain is outweighed by love and friendship - so true. We had a chinchilla that liked to be tickled under the chin - if we where reading a paper and ignoring him he would come over and chew the paper - a hole would appear! Lol

Thanks Xena I enjoyed hearing about lovely Zak and I have all lovey dovey thoughts flowing through my head now! he he

Love Mand xxxxxx