Ghoul
A grey grimace stole across his ashen lips
as the hour struck twelve and the stalker awakened.
The desires of those who hunt him await the discovery
of yet another victim, to set them on the trail afresh.
In their secret hearts, he was the continuous pulsation
of life's blood, causing them to quicken and keeping them
sustained with the demanding lusts of his soul.
Last Few Words: This poem will be included in "the Book of Styx II" which will be sent in for publication when the editing is finished. So your feedback and suggestions are greatly appreciated. A special "thank you" to Dan Watts, our own Hooded Stranger for volunteering to read the whole manuscript before submission! always, Cat (and eddy styx)
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Sounds as though...
Eddy, has a fan-club! They await the new victim, so they can follow him. Keeping sustained with his pulsating flow of blood. I think they don't want to catch him, just take part in his orgy of blood! They are faking wanting him to stop, [in their secret hearts]. Good luck with the publishing, Love ya, ~ Gee
Thanks, Sir Gee!
You've got it exactly right! Which makes them ghouls, too! When are we going to hear from Killer? I will have to check with you and see if you have posted anything for him yet. I was wondering, what does Killer do for a day job?
Love, eddy (and Cat)
The twisted one rides again
The only thing i can say that would improve it is, it should be longer, it reads like the first part of a poem.
more please lol
lou
Dear Lou,
Maybe if I write a book about the life of a serial killer someday, I will include this in the book. Thanks for wanting more! I'll see what I can do.
Love, eddy (and cat)
Dear Shirl,
Thanks so much for telling me of your reaction to my little piece. If you are interested in more "styx' poetry it can be had by ordering it on line at:
http://www.genremall.com/poetryr.htm
I suppose eddy does have a soul. He shares with me. He is my angry and damaged side. I always say, "Put your rage on the page" instead of acting outright.
love, eddy (and cat)
Cat
Ah, another Eddy Styx poem.
I liked it.
I think Geezer has put his finger on it perfectly... the way you describe it, "they" are all affected by the blood lust, despite their ostensible desire to catch the perpetrator.
I like the mood you have managed to capture within these few lines.
Felt like I was reading an excerpt from a dark Sherlock Holmes novel!
Good work .
Good luck with your book.
Psyve
Dear Psyve,
I always appreciate a visit from you. I'm, (or should I say "we") so pleased that you liked this piece. The thought didn't occur to me until today, to write a novel on eddy styx's life. I'm not sure if I am skilled enough to grapple such an undertaking. But you have started me thinking! Thanks for the good wishes on my present undertaking of the "Book of Styx II"
love, eddy (and Cat)
Cat
Cat,
having been fortunate to have read this before posting (it is the third poem in your manuscript), I can't fault it. It captures that Mr Styx feeling and fits the new book perfectly.
I must agree with Psyve about the 'dark ' Sherlock Holmes comment.
I also agree with Lou, about it feeling like an introduction to a longer piece...maybe even a novel. Have you considered writing a novel about Eddy?
Kind regards,
HS
ps. I would have written more, but I have a Book of Styx II to finish editing! Lol!
Dear HS
Yup! You wonderful people have got me thinking about writing an eddy styx novel! I think I would have to begin with his childhood. (Of course you know how eddy was really "born", so I would have to detach myself from eddy and give him a new start.)
Thanks for all the work you are doing on the "Book of Styx II" it is so greatly appreciated. I will start working on those changes on the weekend.
always, eddy (and Cat)
Rosina
Rosina,
this one poem may have sent shivers down your spine...but wait to read the whole Book of Styx II...I have slept with the light on all week!!
Lol!
HS
Dear Rosi,
your reaction tells me that my poem has done as intended! Thank you!
love, cat
hi cat
hey what power in eddy's words cat
I am trying to pick a fav line but can't
no crit to offer as I would not change
a thing strong imagery love this write
Happy birthday sis xxxxxxxxxxxx,,,,,,,,,,,enda