In this slithering monotony
That you selfishly placed me
I learned of your trickery
When tears fall from above
The sun hides in Apollo’s chariot
Allowing the clouds to reign
Another bad hand
In destiny’s poker game
Still I gamble my heart freely
To not know the truth of pain
Is equivalent to not living at all
Fairy tales are told to halt reality
Not to somehow replace it
To the eyes that witnessed misery
My heart goes out to thee
Have you walked to agony’s kingdom
Have you kissed betrayal’s lips
Friend, why be ashamed
Of mankind’s misfortunes
When surrender seems the only option
Courage comes to your side
Offering his mighty legions
Saving your soul from drowning
Replacing clouds with the North Star
You, ask how I know of these truths
I met life and she was no queen
Her heart was far from compassionate
Her soul had been cursed
That is when I learned of the royalty
Behind man’s catastrophe
Comments
Paul
what a strong statement in the dark side of love you have made here. Ahhh, the life leasons we must all learn.
I love the mixture of mythilogy you use here to paint your picture's
great job!
Eddie C.
Hi Paul,
An interesting write, one I like very much.
But I must agree with Chrys, something seems a little vague, as though the author were somehow distracted as he wrote, although now I think about it, that vagueness could be part and parcel of the catastrophe.
I would ruthlessly edit away every word you can get away with, particularly in the last stanza, which I feel could be two instead of one.
Ok the first one I've read so
Ok the first one I've read so I will keep it kind :P I find there is a slight lack of emotional depth in this, I am not sure if it's because it feels like I am being lectured as I read this rather than being caught up in it as the writer instead of the reader. I think the act of drawing a reader into believing a piece is to make them feel they Are the piece. I think more of you woven through this may escalate this to a higher more powerful poem.
I have...
to agree, that this read too much like a lecture. I would rather you cut it short and leave it at three stanzas. It seems to say so much more, when you stop at the end of the third, maybe the fourth. After that, it loses its' flavor.