She cried but all in vain
to who drove her insane.
Though wrecked, with dominant pain,
she survived, she rose again!
A lesson to obtain,
A lesson to learn or feign;
Ne'er blackmail Her in strain,
She's a brave heart in reign.
Jan 05, 2021
An Exemplary Heart
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dearest Teddy
Your words of application give me the motivation to write more.
Thank you dear friend.
Sir Alan
'Again' wasn't really repeated. Line 4 (again) while in l2.stanza 2 (gain) , but I took you suggestions and eddited accordingly with too much appreciation.
Always great to hear from the experts sir Alan.
Thank you
My only criticism...
is one of tenses. While raised is conceptually right, I do believe that the proper word would have been [rose], not raised.
I like your title, the internal rhythm is great and it flows well from beginning to end. It made me think of a queen of hearts!
[Not the one who said; "Off with their heads" LoL
~ Geez.
.
Geezer
Well pointed. Pleased to know you like it especially when it comes from a rhymer that's you!!
Thank you for the kind visit.
Very nice piece here
it left hungry for more on the same vein.
Hello Ray
appreciate your kind visit. I know what you mean but I am a fan of those short pieces especially when I am writing again after a while.
Thank you for your thoughts.
HER in CAPS
Rula
any special reason
I can't imagine
Hello
Lovedly. I think I want her to be recognized as a special
"$he".
Thank you for reading.
in that case RULA
CAPITALIZE ALL
SHE'S AND HER
That will make all the
DIFFERENCE
RULA
LOVEDLY
me also please
when blind men hear
they only
HEAR
Hello Lovedly
You absolutely have a point. Shall look into it.
Well
I see I'm late to the party and the experts have already given great suggestions. So I'll just say hello desert flower so you'll know I passed by
Hello Stan
Always a pleasure to get you on my page. It really means a lot.
Any news from Wesley?