lou
lou
Feb 15, 2011

Toxic

Foul stench of self importance,
The air so thick , It coats the back of the throat
choking you on the rancid hatred and derision.

Gasping, fighting for breath amongst the putrid smell ,
of ego, ambition,
and dead hope.

Festering skank riding an odorous wave
of arrogant dross,
bilious heap of filth.

Open the sluices and flush
It all out.
Expunge the stain.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda

More from this author

Comments

mand

mand

14 years 2 months ago

I probably shouldn't, but I laughed out loud when I read " Festering skank riding an odorous wave of egotistical dross, bilious heap of filth."

There have been times ( in the past ) when I have spewed out words like this.

Great poem

Love Mand xxxxxx

mand

mand

14 years 2 months ago

I posted it twice somehow!

lou

lou

14 years 2 months ago

Mand did you like it so much you had to repeat yourself lol

love lou

mand

mand

14 years 2 months ago

I've just read out to my husband, He liked it to.

He he

Love Mand xxxxx

lou

thanks

love lou

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 2 months ago

Lou,

as you know I was privy to this before posting, but still wanted to drop by and read again.

I know the details behind this one and feel you have captured the moment with some fine descriptions.

I had to look up 'Expunge'...a great word indeed...I must use that sometime.

It reads really well, but I can't recall if i suggested any changes or if i did, if you've used them...but whatever, I do like the feel of this one.

I like the title too and I like the fact you never use the word 'toxic' in the actual poem.

The only thing I would mention is you've used the word 'ego' and 'egotistic'...so I wonder if you should replace one of them with an alternative word to prevent the slight repetition? maybe, 'conceit' in place of ego in this stanza:

Gasping, fighting for breath amongst the putrid smell ,
of ego, ambition,
and dead hope.

kind regards,

HS

lou

lou

14 years 2 months ago

In reply to by Hooded Stranger

Thanks mate.

Glad you like the word expunge, i love finding expressive words.

ill sort out the reptition.

lou

Hooded Stranger

Anna,

having looked up 'expunge', I now need to look up 'mellifluous'...I can't keep up with all these words!

LOL!

HS

lou

lou

14 years 2 months ago

Girl Power !!!!!

Men just don't have the vocabulary LOL !!!!

Lou