Viviana Smith
Viviana Smith
Oct 16, 2020

The Best Holiday

sweet delicious poison
is given out at every door
little innocent children
dress creepily to ask for more

bags with gory faces store the addictive treats
stores are selling the toxins for a bunch of weeks
Adults who won't dress up are waiting there at home
The kids are trick and treating, while parents let them roam

Teens are creeping through the abandoned places
The rudest ones are scaring kids with their scary faces
Some of them are stealing candy for a cheapened thrill
They will get their wishes from a mother's voice that's shrill

This holiday without a doubt is bestest of them all
You know that it is coming when the leaves begin to fall.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Texas USA

Favorite Poets: Shel Silverstein

More from this author

Comments

Viviana Smith

you can call me Olivia(i prefer to be called vivi though) I love halloween. I love horror and i love to dress up for halloween. I've had the talent of an artist and the hands of a sculpture for as long as anyone can remember. I can do any type of makeup from pretty princess to zombie to werewolf to dead corpse. I love steven king's IT and Doctor Sleep. I can't watch the movies though. Creating a scary pic in my head is one thing, watching it is another, and living it is worst. Hope u enjoy halloween as much as I do. (I think the thing i enjoy most about halloween is the fact that i don't have to be myself. I can be whatever i want to be)

Barbara Writes

Welcome to Neopoet, And Nice to meet you. I love this simply written holiday piece. the flow was good. I enjoyed the scary ride.

Geezer

I love Halloween and I like your poem.
There is a big variance in the meter though
I think in order to make it even out, you will have to adjust some lines.

1] stores are selling the toxins for a bunch of weeks

2]How about:
Adults who won't dress up are waiting there at home
The kids are trick and treating, while parents let them roam

3]Teens are creeping through the abandoned places
The rudest ones are scaring kids with their scary faces

4]Some of them are stealing candy for a cheapened thrill
They will get their wishes from a mother's voice that's shrill

5]This holiday without a doubt is bestest of them all
You know that it is coming when the leaves begin to fall.

Always yours to do with as you will. ~ Geez.
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Geezer

You always have such cool ideas and unique ways of presenting them. The presentation of sugary sweets as toxins, like a subtle poison that infects our children is a thought that many mothers have had over he years. Nicely done! ~ Geez.
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Geezer

about having meaning, sometimes it's to express what I need to say and sometimes, it's just about having fun! If you write from the heart, your inner beauty will shine through. If you write for whatever reason, you should always write as though it were for the express reason of saying want YOU want to say; be it romance, anger or just having fun. I read lots and lots of all kinds of stories and generes. Murder-romance, [my wife's books], Murder-mystery, Sci-fi, Historical fiction etc. I have had a library-card since I was 12yrs. old. I constantly have a book nearby. One in the bathroom, one in the car and sometimes, even a third one going too. I love reading different styles and authors and I take a little from each one. [I don't mean plagarism]. but I am not above using a line from a book that I have read, with a little alteration. I mean. let's face it, there is literally nothing new under the sun. If you have thought it or wrtten it, chances are that someone, somewere has too. Maybe not famously, but... Yes, sometimes, you have to work at it a little bit to make it palatable for the reader, but the reward is when a reader says: "Wow, that was great!" I don't sit down and write effortlessly each and every time I write something. I have my struggles. Just write what you want, keep looking for those special ideas and mostly have fun! ~ Geez.
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Viviana Smith

yeah, i feel the same way. I'm also a big reader. I also have written 3 books (unpublished) My favorite genre is horror and mystery. I love the series one of us is lying. I'm sure you wife would like that series. Its a murder romance. I solved the first two books's murders in 10 chapters. I got the 3rd book's murderer wrong. Tell me if she has ever read them. And i will work on writing from the heart. Mostly my heart-filled poems are dark though. But i will try.

Geezer

Sometimes, you need to get the dark out of your system, in order to be able to write of the light. I guess that it is like the Chinese Yin and Yang, there has to be one of each. And I have found that even in the dark, there are things of redeeming value. My "Killer" only kills bad people; he rids the world of bad people so that good people can live in the light. You will find that even though you write of the dark stuff, that there is reason to smile at times. I know that you will see that. I will ask my wife about the series. Is it called: "One of Us Is Lying"? Sounds good. Keep at it kid. ~ Geez.
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