Thoughts Gone Astray

Cold callused hand of fate
let hold your grip ,so tight
Let me spread my wings and take flight
to a new and bright tomorrow
abandon all the toil and trial

Show me where I should be instead
stop playing dreams through my head
I know full well where I need to be
uncover these eyes so they may see

So lost among the distant plains
deluged by the persistent rain
obliterating all the pain
but leaving one empty
still the same

Heartache. hardship and the story goes on
when and where it ends time will tell
somewhere in the distance
the tolling of the bell

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: north carolina usa, USA

Favorite Poets: Leonard Cohen

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

I hear ya. Don't think that there is anything I can help with, but if... Anyway, I feel the ache and I know that if you let it, time heals the wound. Never completely, but enough to let you sleep at night and get on with your life. I see a couple of things here,
1] Get rid of the comma in the 2nd line, you don't need it.
2] First line 2nd stanza put an h in should
Nothing much else to add; a story as old as human-kind. Smoke some kind-bud and do the "Bobby" Don't worry, be happy."
~ Gee.
.

Gee

thanks for the read. I will fix that stuff shortly . This is the point and time I am at right now today