Geezer
Geezer
Feb 09, 2011

Just A Little Cold...

A tormented twist of blankets, and sodden sheets
Head pounding, body hurting, knees and chin meet
The cramps of my bowels, drive me to cry
I see nightmares of dying, in my mind's eye

This condition is something I got for free
Though I didn't ask, it was given to me
Someone thought, that they should pass it on gratis
If I knew who it was, I'd kick their asses

What fool thought, I would like being served
With a dose of misery, they had some nerve
Why do people think, they're being brave
Risking my health, black-hearted knaves

Stay home when you're sick, if you have the flu
Don't give it to me, I don't want it, thank you
Stay home, treat yourself, with some honey and tea
But stay home. Please! So you don't give it to me

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Not much to say about what prompted this one. Just recovering from a four day bout with the flu. ~ Had relapse! ~ I tried to make this a little smoother, with the help from a couple of comments. Not much to do for the next week or so, while recuperating, so I will have more time.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

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Comments

Blue_Halcyon

I liked your vent about being sicky - I totally know the feeling. Everything thing in the poem flows pretty well, however the first two lines are a bit awkward - I'd try to reword them a little like this:

A tormented twist of blankets, and sodden sheets
Head pounding, body hurting, knees and chin meet

Glad to see you roaming the site again, Gee!

Geezer

I have been so long in answering your comments. I had to go to the E.R. I thought I was recovering, but took a turn for the worse.
I am now going to have to take a brace of anti-biotics, steroids, and breathing treatments. Well, at least I have a good alibi, for not being the "Geezer" bank-robber! LOL. I think you are right, about those lines, I will work on them. Good to see you again too, ~ Gee

Geezer

liked the word " Gratis". Actually, I have always liked "Latin". It is probably, the basis for many of the worlds languages. I haven't studied it, but I think that if one did, they would find a great number of words that are very similar, and easily recognised, in their own languages. Anyways, "Gratis", when you get something good, is always welcome. Yes, there is much more emotion in this now, that I have to go through all this other stuff. So beware... if you sneeze on me, I might just stuff up your nose! LOL. Love ya, ~ Gee

Geezer

that I have an exacerbated case of my C.O.P.D. compounded with Bronchcitus. I am making a strong effort to get back to my feet as soon as possible. [ I am the only driver in the house now,] and my wife needs to get back and forth to work. I only go out when absolutely necessary. [ For the time being.] I will look at, and comment on your poem as soon as I complete the rest of my returning messages, and work is done. Thanks for the read, and comments. ~ Geezer

K

Are you feeling better now, Sir Gee? Poor delirious virus. Nobody wants it or takes responsibility for transmitting it. lol.

~A

Geezer

Geezer

14 years 2 months ago

I love it! I wonder why I didn't see that! I will institute that change immediately, and forthwith! Thank you Sir! ~ Gee

Geezer

Come back whenever you like! I'll be here. The higgest of bugs, and always with love, ~ Guy

Xavier Sleuth

This is just one big AMEN!
"Stay home when you're sick, if you have the flu
Don't give it to me, I don't want it, thank you
Stay home, treat yourself, with some honey and tea
But stay home. Please! So you don't give it to me"
I'm gonna put this on my door.
Hope people see it.
Think twice.
Leave their germs at home.