I searched for you,
Where did you go?
Darling, I have suffered so,
So many regrets,
So many losses
And so many failures,
I can barely bear
The terrible thought
Of the squandering of the life
That once was mine,
But how to suffer
A life without you?
Sep 26, 2020
Suffer a Life Without You
About This Poem
Last Few Words: ‘Suffer a Life Without You’ was originally a song written in French in 2019, and dedicated to one loved not so much year as decades ago, but who has left not a single trace...by way of a digital footprint and so on...and I feared the worst, but chose not face my fears, but rather to turn my face away simply in order to survive.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Dear Carl, I'm so sorry about
Dear Carl, I'm so sorry about your loss. I just listened to the song, but I only found it in English (by Mariah Carey) with French subtitles. It's truly beautiful and sad, as is your poem.
I can barely bear
terrible thoughts,
squandering life
once my young life.
How to suffer such a life?
Just a suggestion above, to take or toss. I think we all make our poems too wordy at times. Not too sure about repeating life so many times, but it's your poem and I find the title, content and spacing wonderful.
I'll return, have some tasks to do now. You're a survivor, if this poem is about you, as it appears to be. Stay strong and keep writing, all the best, Gracy
Hi Gracy, and thank you, I am so pleased you like this...
The song can be heard as a very rough recording in French as 'Une vie sans toi'; it is about someone who was once very dear to me, and still is. But you are so right, there are too many 'lifes', I've changed it a bit, but I'm still not sure about this, I think it might get shelved.
I was thinking...
...of shelving it, but it might be able to be saved, you're right, 'barely bear' is not great, yes please, do a little edit of it, Teddy. Carl.
That's great, Teddy
There are some very good suggestions, the most vital is 'barely bear', that has to go. You are right, yes, many of my verses reflect this loss. I rarely bin things, merely place them in a 'rejected' file. I'm just so pleased you take this piece seriously enough to work on it as I was going to give up on it, and I love the workshop element of Neo Poetry, it is unique on the internet. I value it all enormously. Carl.