"On the other side
of the river
the grass is greener."
I wonder though,
the cattle are less happy,
and so is the sky.
Jun 25, 2020
#Palestine
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I just wonder how much my reader could get out of this without me explaining. I think the title might give a hint as titles should.
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dear teddy
I'll keep the grey color in mind for a more dark mood.
Thank you!
The cattle...
Perhaps should be the herd? I wanted the people who live there under the occupation.
Both
The sky and the people are under occupation, so sadness is the general mood there.
In this case
I think changing to gray is more accurate I believe.
I like
the play of words, but then I fear that the reader would think it a typo.
Dearest Teddy
Knowing that I live in Jordan (on the other side of Jordan river) does that help understanding in any way?
You are not far though.
Thanks for your everlasting encouraging words dear.
Dear Teddy
Jordan is well known for the best olive trees and olive oil, so you're totally right dear Teddy but this is just part of the story.
I thank you truely.
Italy too
Is well known for olives.. I believe!
I am...
thinking, that you have seen the cattle on the 'other side' and don't think that the grass is any greener or the sky any bluer. ~ Geezer.
.
Dear Geezer
Things to admit,
First, this little piece is born as a result of the title workshop. I found out that titles could inspire real poems.
Second, Jordan and Palestine were one land with only river Jordan to separate them, but the fact that Palestine is greener is true, it's soil is more fertile.
Third, the cattle here represnts the people of Palestine,
and they're unhappy as well as the sky all because of the occupation.
Hope I make it clearer.
I did not...
know that in fact, Palestine is greener! That notion did not even enter into my mind. Yes, it is clearer now. Thank you, ~ Geez.
.
my comment flew with
the flu lol
Flue... Flew
Why?
Does
Not blue or less blue work better?
Yeah
I think this clears the confusion dear Teddy!
Can't thank you enough for keeping me on the right track!
Appreciate your help dear.
Sorry
for the echooooo
It is sad that...
...Palestine is denied statehood and decency by the Israelites and their American stooges.
.
Edna!
Never enough to feel sorry.
Palestinian never stop fighting for their freedom.
Thank you for reading and the sympathy though.
The Israelites...
...need a good THRASHING.
.
Hi Rula
Liked thee verses...
be well...take best care...
Dear Raj
Thank you! I am so happy to see you on my page.