Rula
Rula
Jun 29, 2020

Ode to My Twin

Version#1

How delicate you are on my skin,
for you the weary body weeps.
I owe you the comfortable sleeps.
Loving my pyjama is not a sin.

Virsion#2
How delicate you are on my skin,
for you the weary body weeps.
Loving my pyjama is not a sin,
I owe you the comfortable sleeps.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I wonder if anyone likes version 2 better other than I. I switched the last two lines to have an alternate rhyme of abab?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

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More from this author

Comments

Lavender

Hello, Rula!
Another inspiring poem - an ode and in ABBA form? Very much like your sweet title and theme. This is one of the reasons nighttime is so wonderful, and rainy Sundays, too.
Thank you!
L

Rula

I don't know if there is a certain form for odes. I read many in different forms you try, so I thought any form will do.

Lavender

I don't know if there is, either! I just noticed that yours was abba. I always enjoy and admire structured poetry!
Thank you!
L

Rula

Rula

4 years 10 months ago

Happy to give you a bit of fun dear.
The abba refers to the ending rhyme. So if you notice the ending words in each line, you'll find

Skin (a)
sleep (b)
Weep (b) as it rhymes with sleep
Sin (a) as it rhymes with skin

So skin and sin take the rhyme (a)
Weep ad sleep take the rhyme (b)

Hope this makes some sense dear.

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 10 months ago

Would either of you be surprised, that men love pyjamas too? Good tale for a good night's sleep. ~ Geezer.
.

Rula

I always thought that men like women with gowns better, but yes I believe that not all gowns are nice nor all pyjamas are not.
Thank you. Your thumps up (the two of them) are priceless.

C

I enjoyed your little ode and yes there is a form for odes just ask the master Alan s Jeeves he is amazing
the ode conjures
feelings of warmth and comfort

Rula

The pyjama's on, monsters out... Everything will be alright :)

Lavender

Hi, Rula!
I like both forms of your poem, but I agree with Teddy - it feels as if 'Loving my pyjama is not a sin' should be the final line. Your poem is very interesting - all four lines could actually be interchanged pretty easily in several different orders and still make sense.
Thank you!
L

Rula

Rula

4 years 9 months ago

You're both too kind
Teddy.. your innovation is non-stop dear.
Thank you!