If only earth was free
From being possessed by us,
Yes, all these humans.
If only this were true
Terra wouldn't suffer us
And our illusions.
If only sanity
Was more than a mere by word
To buy us all out.
If only honesty
Was the only thing still pure,
We're dillusioned with owning.
If only words were real
But they're also made up
Of symbolic lies.
If only symbols
Could make masters of our will,
Ourselves alone owned.
Comments
I am not...
a big fan of modern Haiku; it has a certain looseness that doesn't appeal to me. Your Haiku here is a six - seven - five pattern and there is even a line of eight. It is not traditional in the subject matter either. Generally speaking, Haiku is about nature, rather than ideals. Nice sentiments though. ~ Geezer.
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Not looking for a fan of how
Not looking for a fan of how I write and I usually stick to traditional but not always. I don't think form is critiquable (sp) is it? Hmm k. I know I need to proofread better to make the syllable count correct but wasn't in the mood to do it at the time I posted. In fact i thought I had edited this but I digress. Can always check again. There is no critique that will cause me to change form to strict at all, unless a particular contest requires this. Thanks for the comments.
did
not care for the constant repetition of if only
Okay, fair enough. I know a
Okay, fair enough. I know a lot of pop songs that have that repetitive element so I just went with that idea. I didn't really ask for neg comments, just critique, and moderate and I feel negatives have no place in a critique that is constructive which is what I was after here. *sigh* Not sure "dislike" of a poem constitutes a critique! Thanks for commenting.
Hi, I like haiku, but the
Hi, I like haiku, but the traditional European ones have 5-7-5 format.
Still, your series of haikus is very pretty. I must bring some of my own here.
I'm not sure that I understand all your lines, but I get the gist of them all and agree with you.
Best, Gracy
My boo boo on the syllable
My boo boo on the syllable mistakes. Sorry for that, now that I can correct. (I hope) It's hard to convey a message with such a short form, I found. I'll have to try another form for social commentary I suppose! Thanks for commenting, Gracy.
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