I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face
softly hidden in a thin veil of gray,
trying to survive in a lonely place.
Neither light nor air lives within this space
and as I searched for remnants of the day,
I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face.
Behind a curtain of damask and lace
a lost soul struggles on to make its way
trying to survive in a lonely place.
When curtains and veils denied sweet embrace
and I quickly tried to push them astray,
I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face.
But yet, no veil, no curtain can erase
this soul's uncovered heartache and dismay,
trying to survive in a lonely place.
When darkness dies from luminary grace,
my soul will shout, "I will no longer say -
I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face
trying to survive in a lonely place."
Comments
Good morning, Jerry!
So much to learn, a challenge and a bit of fun in the bargain! You always bring such positive energy and I appreciate your help! Onward to the Italian countryside to dance away!
Thank you!
L
(Hope I don't have a double post - issues...)
Hello, Teddy
I'm so happy that you felt hope when reading this. It certainly was my intention!
Thank you, thank you!
L
Hi Lavender, your villanelle
Hi Lavender, your villanelle is lovely, enjoyed every line, so deftly written. No nits, but I'm no expert. I do know that Bob Dylan's "Do not go silent into that dark night" is a villanelle. It became very popular in France and Britain. I also relate your poem to the present, when so many people are in a lonely place right now. Still, there's hope in your verses, so thanks for sharing them, all the best, Gracy
Hello, Gracy
There is much loneliness in isolation, and it seems the virus is stirring up a bit again here in the States - praying it stays contained. Thank you for reading and your lovely comments. I usually don't go too far from the free verse grid, so this was interesting to me!
L
Hello, Teddy
I agree - Neopoet is a tremendous home for poets!
Thanks!
L
Hello, Alan
You have been very generous with your comments, and I think your suggestion for 'astray' is perfect. This was a challenge, but also pretty fun! I happily take your opinions and advice, and appreciate the time you, and everyone here, spends helping us all become better poets!
Thank you!
L
Dearest Lavender
What a beautiful write dear. So coherent, as I read I found every stanza completes and goes with the before and the next part which I know is never easy plus, the theme helps perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this masterpiece dear
Hello, Rula
I was inspired by the many vilanelles posted recently, yours included! I know so little about structured and formed poetry and even less about origins. I appreciate your help!
Thank you!
L