Dalton
Jun 15, 2020

On Her Purity

Strange of all your enigmatic
seasons
I find your purity
the sexiest

a veil is to accentuate
not hide away
to wait for the words
should I now soil myself

I yearn for you
in solitude
the invisible prison
that keeps night from day

as the wine is mixed
part lust & part ideal
the lovely sisters wander
hand in hand through the Eden of Iblis

should I remove my hand
from the furnace
simply because it hurts
and that's all

what a fool
he would say, the stonecutter
what harm is it
that the lovers
of the world
might learn the language
of poets

Original Edit:

Strange, of all the enigmatic
changes,
I found your purity
the sexiest.

The invisible prison
that keeps night from day.

Should I remove my hand
from the furnace
simply because it hurts
and that's all.

What a fool,
he would say,
the one who carves
my name into eternity.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United Kingdom

Favorite Poets: Shane MacGowan

More from this author

Comments

Gracy

Gracy

4 years 10 months ago

Hi Dalton, I like your title and the poem is quite clear, except I get confused towards the end. Who is the "he" in the last strophe? God?
I'll return after others have commented. Best, Gracy

D

not sure how many others will bother to read. no the "he" is not God otherwise it would be uppercase "He" he is the stonecarver who writes my name on the tombstone. That whole stanza is a bit off for me too. Maybe I'll return to it in time with a fresh mind and edit

thanks for reading

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 10 months ago

as Gracy, but you have answered that. Yes, I think that a different passage for the last stanza is a good; but maybe the same idea?
Someone remarking on the situation, that knows you; not a tombstone carver. ~ Geezer.
.

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 10 months ago

And the stone-cutter carving my name, thinks "He was a fool"?
Geezer.
.