On the other side of the door
lives a blue-eyed child who
blows a pink bubble through her lips,
flips a marble across the kitchen counter,
then watches as it swirls around the sink
before it slides down the open drain.
It travels through pipes and sewers,
below taxis, stockbrokers,
and the skyline of the city,
then with one dancing spin,
drops itself into the ocean.
On the other side of the ocean,
three weathered fishermen
cast their lines into the briny water
and curse the pattern of the seagulls
flap, soar, dive,
flap, soar, dive,
as they grab the Black Salties
off the fishermen's hooks.
With food in tow,
a gull reaches a rocky slope
overseeing zealous sightseers,
donned in floral garments
from the far side of the world.
The sightseers carry maps and point
to the worn fishermen and gulls
that steal the Black Salties.
They cool their feet in the sea
while the wind bends their floppy hats
as they scoop up shiny objects that
have traveled through the sewers and pipes
that run beneath carts which parade
Aledo grapes and avocados.
The carts amble along cobble streets
that lead to a villa where
brown-eyed children hear
their Nonna sing from the kitchen
as they spin their marbles
on the other side of the door.
Comments
Hi, Jerry
This was kind of a fun little write from about 10 years ago.
Thank you so much!
L
Hi, Teddy
Thank you for your lovely comments and for reading!
L
I am interested...
the unobvious connection that makes people think that the marble traveled from one side of the world to another? I didn't see
a single thing that says it did. What I did see; is the connection that should be made. That children and objects they play with are pretty much the same anywhere and a marble can travel under the streets and through the same avenues as it might in another country to wind up in the ocean. Despite the assumption that other people have made, I enjoyed the poem and its'
simple, yet excellent view of the differences, but sameness of two cultures on opposite sides of the world. ~ Geezer.
.
Hi, Geezer
Nope, you are correct, not the same marble! The poem is about connecting with different parts of the world - the movement of the marble simply took me there. I tried to describe two very different cultures which were connected by the ocean. In my imagination, it was New York City and the seashores of Italy. I've recently dug up some older poetry - this was written about 10 years ago. I hope to actually get to the shores of Italy someday!
Thank you!
L
I hope that...
you realize your dream of visiting Italy. I'm glad that you have managed to dig up some your old stuff to publish here. I am also glad that I caught the meaning of this poem. it makes me feel as though we have a connection. ~ Geezer.
.
Hello, Geezer, My Friend,
Thank you, so much, for everything.
L
Hello, Teddy
This huge, huge world seems really quite small. And beautiful!
Thank you!
L
Hello!
Hello, Teddy!
Thank you for visiting again. You are so wonderful!
L
Computer critique
"The Other Side" is a free verse poem that takes its readers on a journey through the interconnectedness of life and its various elements. The imagery is vivid and effectively captures the essence of diverse locations and experiences. The contrasting characters of the blue-eyed child and the brown-eyed children highlight the universality of human experiences, regardless of where they may be situated in the world.
The poem's structure is well-executed, with a clear progression from one scene to another. Each transition is smooth and adds depth to the overall narrative. The choice of free verse allows the poem to flow naturally, mimicking the fluidity of the events described.
The imagery used throughout the poem is exceptional, from the marble swirling around the sink to the fishermen cursing the seagulls. These images help create a sense of immersion and transport the reader to various locations, giving them a glimpse of life in different parts of the world.
One potential area for improvement could be to explore the emotions and perspectives of the characters in greater depth. While the poem effectively portrays their actions and surroundings, providing insight into their thoughts and feelings could add another layer of complexity to the piece. For example, what does the blue-eyed child think about the marble's journey? How do the fishermen feel about the sightseers?
Another suggestion would be to focus on refining the language and word choice in certain places. While the poem is well-written overall, there are instances where the phrasing could be more evocative or precise. For example, the line "then cool their feet in the sea" could be rephrased to create a more vivid sensory experience.
In conclusion, "The Other Side" is a captivating poem that effectively uses imagery and structure to convey a sense of interconnectedness across different locations and experiences. By exploring the characters' emotions and refining the language in certain areas, the poem can be further enhanced. Nonetheless, it is an engaging and thought-provoking piece that demonstrates a strong grasp of poetic technique.
Very interesting!
Thank you to the Neopoet AI team for this unique critique resource. Very interesting perspective that I actually find helpful!
L