lovedly
lovedly
Jun 29, 2018
This poem is part of the contest:

JUNE 2018 CONTEST

(Read More...)

OH DAWN WHY WAS I SO BORN (Jun Contest)

My Dawn
you were my first love born
I took you for a dance
once I had my maiden chance
we danced remember Dawn
though the night
your parents were watching from the balcony
I wanted to kiss you
hug you
closely I nearly lipped your nose too
Remember you said
they had eagle eyes
you scared me out of my wits
then you did smile
But I lied
said yes
I know they will only wrath bestow.
and
I withdrew from dancing
being dangerously
too near and slow
Years into the passage of time
I now feel like a coward indeed
why did I not take a chance
just to kiss
perhaps they'd too have
admired us
my O what a miss
Well many tonnes of water
has since flowed down
the MISSISSIPPI the NILE the THAMES
now tears can't help
the time's lost wonderful
and memorable games
just recall the time gone since
but you and I have become a living entity
you in someone Else's arms
so am I
Time heals they say
but my loss of that day
makes me feel like a coward
till today
But it was a risky chance for me
I was mounting a new career
the kiss could have resulted
in the end of me
just @19

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read

More from this author

Comments

T

tyro

6 years 10 months ago

Lovedly

this so sweet, sentimental, and beautifully done, I am with you at every step. When a poem attracts me so strong emotionally, it is a beautiful poem to me.

Gracy

Gracy

4 years 11 months ago

Hi lovedly, I love your poem, it has several inner rhymes, the concept is clear and the title good. As always, I suggest removing some extra words and joining up some lines. I haven't counted them, but your poem will look neater.
All the best for the June contest, Gracy

Gracy

Gracy

4 years 11 months ago

Lovedly, your poem has at least 9 extra lines for the contest. Absolute limit is 32 lines, otherwise your poem will be discarded. I'm sure it's easy to shorten it.
All else is fine, good luck, Gracy