Simon
Simon
May 18, 2020
This poem is part of the contest:

May 2020 Contest

(Read More...)

A CHAT WITH MOTHER EARTH AND NATURE.(MAY CONTEST)

Mother Earth
Mother Earth
So good you are
Patient you are to us
Your free gifts to us are precious
And the seasonal provisions
The plants and their flowers
The trees and their fruits
The animals and babies
Yet live and feed
The Virgin ground and water
All for our welfare

Grand mother nature
Never you stop supporting mother Earth
As you bless us with the air
The weather and atmospher
The wind and waves
The oxygen and clouds
The daylight and night to rest

Our hearts are weeping
Heavily beating for guilt of abuse
And violation of resources
Greed and selfishness
Evil and distraction lies in us
And we tear apart each other
Though your wrath and punishment
We have to embrace for our hearts desires.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , abuja

Favorite Poets: Any good poet of my likening

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

you posting this. Ok, just a few things to give you. I don't want to ruin the feel of your language transition to ours. I am beginning to appreciate that.
.
1] You don't need the [ ly ] on the impatient
2] seasons' not an [ r ]
3] No [s] on feed
4] Delete the line: never you stop supporting mother earth.

I think that when you complete these changes, you will have something a bit smoother. ~~ Geezer.
.

Lavender

Hello, Simon,
How beautiful this is. The simplicity and directness make it so endearing. I especially like the reference to Grandmother Nature. Beautiful work.
Thank you!
L

Simon

It's my having you comment on my work for you have no idea on how much your comment mean to me thank you once more.

C

may I add a bit to Gee's suggestions.
6th line I would use seasonal rather seasoner
8th line did you mean you live and feed(drop the s on feeds) yet(you ?0
and water (no s)

2nd stanza 2nd line never( perhaps adding a do never do you stop)
I agree the transition to english can be very difficult but respect any dialect
tiny corrections but good poem heartfelt

Simon

Like I always say I love learning from any one around me especially when I see the truth in what they do or say, I appreciate your suggestion thanks once more.