you've drawn a line around my heart
my words cannot escape
but my dreams...
my dreams come cloaked in quiet rescue
whispering your name
like the promise of spring
riding the pale back of winter storms
i await their betrayal
Apr 16, 2020
etchling
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Re-reading works and letters from a dear old friend...our communications inspire some of my best works...I hope I have made him proud.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Suberp imagery
"i await their betrayal"
Should we really expect the worst?
Betrayal
Dreams are, at best, a paradoxical view of reality. So yes, in this case, they come to give me hope where no hope is due.
-Emarie
etchling
you've drawn a line around my heart
my words cannot escape
such a powerful image. reels one in - i want to know more about these words. I'm captivated!
Silenced
Emotionally muted. The level of exhaustion over love where there are no words left that form a coherent thought when spoken aloud.
-Emarie
The Pleasure is Mine
Betrayal is only immanent by nature. There is no greater lie than that we tell ourselves...
Thank you Mark!
-Emarie
I can only hope
to one day achieve the brevity so well displayed here
Niche
I like snapshot poetry. Kind of like polaroids.
Thank you Scribbler!
Etchling
This was an awesome poem. Short enough to be sweet and long enough to be a masterpiece. I await their betrayal too so why not start another poem beginning with this you could make a beauty. Congratulations on a fine poem.
Picture Book
I am actually working on piecing together all of these snapshot style poems into a series. I have a few more and will be posting them. There is a follow up to this piece but it almost seems to drag it too far. It's been a while since I have visited my poetic side. As it is still a work in progress, I may post it here, as I have another in the series that needs work. Constantly tightening and loosening the screws ever so slightly....
Thank you so much for your lovely feedback!
-Emarie