scribbler
Mar 23, 2012
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 04/07/24 to 04/13/24

(Read More...)

NOT OF THIS WORLD

Should you see me standing still
eyes unfocused, far away
I'm visiting some wooded hill
where I walked one bygone day.

Or sitting looking at the sky
attention lost amongst the blue
perhaps emmiting a slight sigh.
I'm not really next to you.

The real me only visits here
stopping off from time to time
to check on those whom I hold dear
or dash off some short clumsy rhyme.

Beyond the trails is my true home
where trees are tall and hills are steep,
the places deer and bobcats roam
not among the human sheep.

I prefer a seat of loam
against a beech on a hill side
to one made of plastic foam
where no living things can hide

So let me walk my wilding way
each day at least a little while
that world of green and mossy gray
which lends to me this quiet smile.

Should you choose to stand by me
taking a pause from world of men
sharing everything I see
I welcome you to this small fen.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Was going to take a few days rest from writing but instead This popped into empty head lol

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Nordic cloud

This is, as someone said on another site - to die for,
stan I don't know what to say, every word rang true,
I felt as you did exactly while you wrote it,
a harmonious understanding that is in us
expressed here so well, so unaffectedly,
so beautifully....sigh.
Ann.

S

Don't Die for it lol. Many people doubtless wonder why so much of my stuff has to do with the forests and fields. I was a big city kid until about the age of 12. That's when dad retired from navy and moved back to S.C. and built a little house just into the country. I had only glimpsed the world of nature during short trips afield until then. I slowly began to Really see the world when I became a part of it. There is plenty of angry poetry being written. So I try to let people come along with me to the peaceful places. My job has become such that it doesn't require full attention at all times so when my mind wanders it goes where it feels most alive. Now Shut The Hell Up! stan lol. Thanks for visiting and such kind remark................stan

loved

loved

13 years 1 month ago

I thought of visiting your profile

no wonder you are the only author of style
worthy of your while
and
thus I always say
Stan
you are the only man...

S

Thank you for the kind words. As to unread poems, I think the influx of new people are getting more attention at the expense of us older people. You know how novelty works . Plus this time of year a lot of people have hectic schedules and plenty of time to read but not enough to leave many comments. I think the influx of new people indicates shows that Neo is at least holding its own in popularity if not growing. As always, I appreciate the visit........stan

loved

So beautifully put across
in simple dialogue
Old was once gold,
now as gold is becoming expensive,
silver is being considered
as white gold
and
older poets like us,
may now get sold
in the cold...

Nordic cloud

There are a lot more colours than just grey in mine,
there are little darker memories among the light ones,
then when wet they go quite dark again,
but damned if I can find them when
they fall here and there and where they oughten't to be
then I'm all at SEE. Lol ann.

loved

It made me smile
The thing once hard as steel
does go and gets sealed
as casted steel
and
then the looseness
without peels
is the standard seal ,
we share with a smile
and
glances steal..
don’t LOL
PLEASE RFOL
Maybe…

judyanne

loved the read
great rhyme
- rhythm slightly rough to my ears - but i know that's what you like to achieve
(or i presume it is when you say you want you poetry to sound as if it is normal speech)

i only have a personal opinion to offer here
in 'attention lost among the blue'
i'd suggest change 'among' to 'amongst'
- to my ear it sounds more aesthetic... - thus sky-like
and you have used 'among' in
'not among the human sheep'
where to me that version/ spelling and the visuals involved fit better

love judy
xxx

S

I am always suprised when a minor edit which sends a poem back to head of stream also brings about new commentary. I think your amongst idea is a good one and I will thus steal it from you lol...........stan

Roscoe Lane

Stan i know that state of being, i live it. My son sent a picture of Ben Nevis today as he passed en route. My heart and mind travel home constantly, but i could not have worded it so beautifully. Great poem. Regards Roscoe..

S

Thanks for popping in on this old retread lol. You know, I think most people inhabit 2 worlds and often at the same time..................stan

Barbara Writes

love this one it inspired my blackberry run poem. Let me walk the wilding way my favorite line.

S

I am pleased you came by. I'll consider the staring/looking idea on next edit

S

Loved this one it is one of your best ones
Though it ended too soon,
I was waiting for a little more,
Maybe just another Stanza, to let us rest from the journey and either to return Home or drift away ... Yours as always, Ian

S

You are very good at division, Now multiply by 2. lol
If I was 39 I would be in paradise lol...
Great to see you writing I have been very lazy of late am not sure how long this drought of thinking to write will last but I am still here lol.
It is coming into Spring and every thing is breaking out, so you be careful that the Virus doesn't break out near you..
Take care and love to all,
Yours as always Ian ..