Geezer
Geezer
Mar 18, 2020

I Care...

If I should die before this is over
I hope that I have made a difference
In what? You say
In something, anything...

A person's life
Left a mark somewhere
Made someone happy
Done something worthwhile

Don't we all?
Do we value ourselves so little?
That we don't think or wish that?
Will it matter that I was?

I do believe that even the villain
The archetype of evil
The miscreant
Wants to leave something behind

Even if it is something bad
So bad...
That they will always be remembered
A page in history

No other animal on this earth
Is so vain
Feels the anonymity of life
So strongly or cares

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I went back to look, and changed a couple of things.

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

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Comments

Geezer

your response to my title, I have decided that if you were in such an opposition to it in the negative form, you should be equally pleased at the positive. Thanks for the correction of my [typo]. ~ Gee.
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Gracy

Gracy

5 years 1 month ago

Hi Gee, I find your poem philosophical and interesting. I'd suggest some lines in present tense.

"A person's life
Leaves a mark somewhere
Makes someone happy
Does something worthwhile."

After all, I think most people leave a mark on others' lives, loved ones don't forget for years, the memory is present. Just saying...

In the first strophe "you say in anything..." appears to lead nowhere.
I find the third strophe may be unnecessary. Perhaps re-word it into one question, or two?
The language is little too prosaic, especially for such a philosophical topic.
The title is also rather weak. Hope you don't take offense.

Geezer

The tense was set in the second line. [I have]. As to the line: "In anything" I changed it to: "Something, anything..."
It works for me. ~ thanks for your read and comment. ~ Geezer.
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