Like wind billowing the sails
your breath fills my lungs
sailing on passionate waves
we discover that virgin Island
where wild fruits
ripened in desire
wait to be plucked
by our hungry fingers
to stoke the fire in our loins
with their nectars
till the seeds are released
in wild abandon
we wake
with gentle waves lapping
at our moorings
ready to sail once again
to yet another sanctuary
inhaling lung fulls
of your seducing breath...
Comments
Dearest Shirl..
thank you for your appreciative comment..feels good when the essence of a write is felt...
much love...
Raj
Raj,
ok, I write an 'ok' poem about an island and a vessel...and then you write one that knocks my little boat clean out of the water!! Lol!
I have much to learn...you have created the stunning image and it stays in your mind long after reading the poem.
As you know I am beginning to appreciate this type of poetry...and this one sets the benchmark that I am trying to reach.
I liked every line which seemed to be carefully crafted and guiding us through your journey. I particularly liked the opening lines:
Like wind billowing the sails
your breath fills my lungs
that just set up the feeling of the poem for me.
Should 'lungfulls' be two words?
Thanks for sharing this poem.
Kind regards,
HS
Dear Dan..
many thanks for your kind words of appreciation...this one just poured out quite smoothly ...i did very little edit...i guess the stimulus for this one was provided by the lovely images created by you in the "Moment"....whatever ..its nice to know that you enjoyed this one...
warm regards..
Dear Raj,
Such excellent writing. Delicately erotic and sublimely crafted, it takes my breath away. I had to read it twice to get the full effect! I hope and strive to reach the heights that you have ascended to with my own writing. And so effortlessly crafted!
we wake
with gentle waves lapping
at our moorings
ready to sail once again
to yet another sanctuary
inhaling lung fulls
of your seducing breath...
wonderfully done!
love, Cat
Thank you Cat,
it means a lot when seasoned and accomplished poets like you take time to read my posts and even more when they are generous in their comment after reading it...which is very inspiring...upir comment describes the essence of this write so perfectly....
love and regards..
I like this,
I like this poem very much, but feel the end is needing some more work. I feel, inhaling lungfulls, is to strained. Filling my lungs, with you're seducing or seducers breath. It is still a very sesual sail through poetic verse. Regards Roscoe...
Dear Roscoe..
thank you for your comment and also suggestion...i will give it a serious consideration...
warmly...
S I M P L Y PAR EXCELLENCE POETRY URS
by our hungry fingers
to stoke the fire in our loins
with nectars
till the seeds are released
in wild abandon
Thank you Loved for your kind
Thank you Loved for your kind comment of appreciation...
much love..
Raj,
A real good poem, I love the metaphor.
Since you already establish the image of her breath filling your lungs, (very vivid imagery) do you need to repeat it at the end?
Perhaps something like
Breathing deep
of your seducing breath...
instead?
Jim
thank you for stopping by and for your appreciative comments...suggestions and critiques are always welcome ..i appreciate what you mean and will work on that...
warmly.
Dearest Jaycee
appreciate your encouraging comments...wishing you Happy Valentines Day coming up...
much love ..