Will my name still be remembered
When i am gone and covered with soil unnumbered
Will my tainted hands still be felt
For the bad mistakes I had left
Or will I just be forgotten
Like a container that's empty
Meaning nothing and useless to the people
As the passing away of a sickler feeble
Will my legacy be passed on
For the generation to come to carry on
To accomplish the mission I failed on.
And straighten the crooked path, for me to live on
Will my name still be remembered
For the good things I have done, that has outnumbered
The painful mistakes of mine people say
Or will I just be forgotten like a fish set to sail.
Comments
I was intriqued...
by your title and it drew me in, that's what a title is designed to do.
Your language use is pretty good, although you forgot to use the [ I ] as in; "When I am gone.
Your rhythm is ok and the theme is one that most people ask themselves at one time or another.
It seems to be consistent all the way through and ends well.
1]. I don't think that you need the word [ unnumbered ] what is that supposed to mean?
2]. What is a stickler feeble?
3]. I think I would let go of the : " that has outnumbered.
All in all, a pretty fair poem, It just needs a little clean-up. ~ Geezer.
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Thank you very much for the
Thank you very much for the correction and reviewing, I promise to do better next time
Just make...
your corrections here. Where you see the edit sign, click that and you will see the poem appear in the box below. Make your corrections there and then scroll down to the save and there you are! ~ Geezer.
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I'm with Geezer...
...what on earth does " the passing away of a sickler feeble" mean?
And what is "a fish set to sail"? Last time I looked, fishes don't sail much.
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