Left-handed
A foreigner
Short
Five much older sisters
Down syndrome younger sister a year apart
Dad always working
Bisexual
Drug addict
Apart
When you are outside looking in
You see more
more beauty
More brutality
more love
More pain
Not much choice
Art, poetry or death
There is a lot of pain.
Last Few Words: "Humans became a dominant species not just through big brains and opposable thumbs but because of collective effort. Humans are genetically socialist and that's why separatists have to proselytise so hard" Being apart is total pain.
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Short, brutally honest...
I guess that is what I like most about you. Sometimes it hurts your work, but if one is looking for the truth, this is it! Your next to last line could stand a little smoothing. How about: "Art, poetry, both or death" ? ~ Gee.
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"Sometimes it hurts your work" so true
I would have said 'lacking in prosodic values'. this is a catharsis piece and I'll take your advice but I'm not sure I can turn it into a real poem.
You never know...
unless you try. Don't get me wrong, I like it and I see that it serves a catharsis. No worries, take your time, maybe even start another and let this one stand? It could be interesting to see where it goes. I like that you left out the [both]. ~ Gee.
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Raw
This is emotion in a really raw in stage I feel. I like it. Would be great to expand on each line, and see where it takes you. I feel it though.
Thanks Gee and Gbaby,
It puzzles me that I Ieft out the childhood sexual abuse. Must have blocked it.
I will revisit this.