I'll try to write a sonnet now
but I know I will not succeed
it will stumble like some drunk cow.
Writing sonnets make my brain bleed.
Maybe I'll write about true love
and how rare finding it can be,
a free gift sent from up above,
how it grows strong as an oak tree.
Or how the sun shines off her hair
on the porch on this clear spring day
as she naps in her rocking chair
and warm wind makes the poplars sway.
Maybe with a smidgeon of luck?..............
No, at writing sonnets I suck.
Comments
Amusing
I literally have never seen octometer in a sonnet before. I liked the blend of funny and serious. There was good imagery with the wife - one could easily see her dozing peacefully in her chair. I tripped a little on "make my brain..." Maybe consider makes? It's the same number of syllables, but it evens the flow a little.
Hi
Welcome to Neopoet. If you have troubles navigating site just ask me or almost any member. You are astute in the make vs. makes thing. I actually wrote it the other way to begin then changed it lol. I'm always going back editing even some of my scribbles that are years old. so be assured when I edit this I'll keep your idea in mind. Appreciate your time to visit.......stan
Helpful corrections
1. Line 1: "will not" would scan better as "won't"
2. Line 3: the adjective is "drunken", not drunk which is the past participle of the verb
I enjoyed the self-criticism in line 14.
This
is why I'll never be a sonneteer. When I try to write one of the cussed things it becomes quickly obvious that I was counting syllables
Syllables count
Syllables count, but so do metrical feet. I have posted a so called sexy sonnet here already - and I look forward to any justified and suitably harsh criticism as it's well worthy of that!
I'll try to get to it soon but with my own sonnet talent being
so lacking I doubt any of my comments on a sonnet will be of any real help
Who knows?
You could have a laugh, though.
Stan
Congratulations on writing a good sonnet. I know this is to some extent comes out from your comfort zone.
I know rhymes were never your problem, using tetameter instead of pentameter all through wasn't a bad idea as a beginning, Many poets find it easier to express themselves by using it.
There are some lines where I stumbled too especially in stanza three, but I know you'll come back for a smoother flowing.
Thumbs up!