c lynn brooks
Oct 01, 2019

Colors of the mind

Colors of the mind

Yellow burns through layers of blue
Still the dark remains
Memories of pinks and purples
now clouded with white washed pain

Where did you fly
without a whisper of goodbye
your name and scent remain

Long ago or so it seems
you were no more than
this mortals dream
Now you are ethereal
once again
all I can say is remember when

Our colors and dreams did loop and bend
to become as one in hues of blue and green

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: north carolina usa, USA

Favorite Poets: Leonard Cohen

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

themoonman

Welcome to the site! I really like
your poem, you made me feel it,
thank you.

There was one suggestion, probably
not important but ...

You have;
you were no more than
mortals dream

Seems to direct a confusing read
and it is probably not that important
but see if this is different aloud

you were no more
than mortals dream
or
you were no more than
this mortals dream

only suggestions, thank you for posting
and allowing me the privilege

Richard

Eumolpus

I would consider tightening up the rhymes (remain, pain,again, when, fly, goodbye,bend, green, dream )
and end with the couplet in rhyme. Unlike the vast majority of poetry publications and sites, rhyme is welcome here. But not having any scheme at all is a distraction to me. I believe form is important in poetry, it always has been. You are using rhyme well, I would go with it all the way.

C

as a rule I go with free verse and am surprised I even used rhyme thanks for your input and read

Barbara Writes

the colors Depicting the essence of the one you dream is nicely displayed

Rottiestyl

Hi Lynn,

I read this poem twice because I liked the rhyming. it was subtle and kept the flow of the poem going for me. It made me think of a lost love or loved one, friend. Someone the subject tries to remember with color ( love? my first thought)

without a whisper of goodbye
your name and scent remain

They are still there yet the subject can not touch them anymore.Could also be they have simply left.
I like that in poetry. The writer can take you any where. It's up to the reader to decide which way to go. Many say " don't make the reader work" I say that is nuts. You don't want them to work to hard when maybe reading a book. However, a short poem is a way for the reader to take a trip on the invitation of the authors offering in front of you. Also poetry makes you read between the lines.

Have you ever read Shakespeare's sonnets? I believe there are 144 of them. I have re-written about 7 of them so far. I wrote them in my words, trying to say what he does but simpler. His sonnets are work!! it is so hard to understand what he is saying and through that confusion for me, he rhymes in them also. Once I spend the time to figure out each line, I can then use a mixture of Old English and new to create my own version of it.( I guess I make up my own language) I will say every time I get what he means, I smile and tell him he did it again. Great writer!

So, really all I am saying is : Give Peace a Chance, , , , lol!
no really. I loved the poem, its a good piece of free verse done well with great images. Good enough that I read it twice.

Rottie
aka: Kim

C

Thank you kindly. This was written in memory of my late husband who recently passed. I try to write so the reader can find their own meaning

Eumolpus

My first comment was with craft, considering the strong use of rhyme. I think it is important you notice the very strong use of it in the poem. Turning to content it did seem to me an abstract poem to some type of loss. Reading your comment above raises a very urgent, perhaps most important, subject of poetry in our times. You write ‘so the reader can find their own meaning.’ I have to ask you....why? This is a recent concept of poetry and is probably why it has lost its wider audience.
When I think of all the great poets and poetry we read, the stuff that sticks - from Whitman to Plath, Oliver to Voung, they don’t hide their meaning behind the poem. We know what the poem is about because the poet told us, not hiding the meaning with abstraction. The power comes through with the words, the stance, the images that support the main theme. The intent is accessible and clear. So if the poem is about your terrible loss, why hide behind the poem and leave it to open interpretation and guess work by the reader? Poetry has raw emotion which comes to me when I know what the poem is about. That is true of all the greatest works. It’s the lines and images that matter. The subject/meaning should be clear. Where did this notion of let the reader decide become an aesthetic?

Eumolpus

My first comment was with craft, considering the strong use of rhyme. I think it is important you notice the very strong use of it in the poem. Turning to content it did seem to me an abstract poem to some type of loss. Reading your comment above raises a very urgent, perhaps most important, subject of poetry in our times. You write ‘so the reader can find their own meaning.’ I have to ask you....why? This is a recent concept of poetry and is probably why it has lost its wider audience.
When I think of all the great poets and poetry we read, the stuff that sticks - from Whitman to Plath, Oliver to Voung, they don’t hide their meaning behind the poem. We know what the poem is about because the poet told us, not hiding the meaning with abstraction. The power comes through with the words, the stance, the images that support the main theme. The intent is accessible and clear. So if the poem is about your terrible loss, why hide behind the poem and leave it to open interpretation and guess work by the reader? Poetry has raw emotion which comes to me when I know what the poem is about. That is true of all the greatest works. It’s the lines and images that matter. The subject/meaning should be clear. Where did this notion of let the reader decide become an aesthetic?

Rottiestyl

Straight from my review which is what you are obviously ranting about.

" The writer can take you any where. It's up to the reader to decide which way to go. Many say " don't make the reader work" I say that is nuts. You don't want them to work to hard when maybe reading a book. However, a short poem is a way for the reader to take a trip on the invitation of the authors offering in front of you. Also poetry makes you read between the lines."

I'm not going to explain WHY i look at poetry the way I do. Its my review and thoughts, not yours. To " review" a review is, in my opinion shallow. But then again, why stick to the reason the site is here. Some things never change here.

Nuff said.

Eumolpus

I don’t know what review you are talking about

But that said, if poetry is a crossword puzzle to you, the academics have done their work. You don’t have to work to enjoy great poetry. You have to feel.

C

Hold the phone guys it seems tome a matter of opinion where no one is right or wrong i is in the eye of the reader I surly did not mean to create a dispute on how a reader percieves my work. I take both interpretations from all comments

Barbara Writes

why ya'll fighting on my protege poem... raw truth based on constructive critique and comments is what was asked....lets be mature here..

Eumolpus

It's fine, and important, to discuss prosody without handcuffs on. As long as the comments are backed up with thoughtful argument, that's how we grow. We can't walk around like a thumbs up emoji, which is what we get from the other poetry sites.
So let there be conflict, opinion, and dialogue. It's not about winning, it's about learning.

So, looking at all the great poetry we read, all the Nobel Prize/ Pulitzer winners, all the treasured poets of past centuries, who write a poem with a specific poetic idea they wish to communicate in poetry, why do you feel it's ok for the reader to interpret a poem anyway they want? Would you not consider your poem more successful if the reader felt the poem as it was meant to be felt? To get the core understanding of what the poem "is about", (not the "meaning"- that is perceived a priori)? That is for me a critical question of today's poetry (last 50 years).

C

I will however reveal the why behind it at some point in time. We are getting into discussion on something that is an opinion and preference than anything . I like hearing how a person saw themselves in even a line without being told why the poem was written that is my style

C

this should satisfy everyone I wrote this afeer the loss of my husband a year and a half ago I still miss him and I see and hear him everwhere there now is the expanation for the poem

Eumolpus

This you have stated in a different comment. My suggestion was to make this part of the poem. You should never have to explain a poem. What you want us to know should be in the poem. If it’s not we could not know. Some prefer not to say the intent or basic center of a poem but for the sake of the reader i think this knowledge makes the work more intense and appreciated rather than an abstract interpretation. Poetry is therapeutic. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through with your loss. So for the sake of this grief I am only suggestion to put this in the poem so we can share it with you.

S

This is real beauty in thoughts and words.
They are laced together to give a feeling.
You will become an asset to Neopoet.
Maybe you can twin my beating thoughts.
Then journey on supporting the feelings of others..
Thank you, Yours Ian ..
PS:- I always prefer Perfume to Scent as scent is as if we are using Bloodhounds to track you down lol ..

C

thank you love the post script made me chuckle at times I do use fragrance

S

Fragrance will be great, it gives a wider feel to an experience of smelling something or someone lol
Take care Great to walk with you, Yours Ian .