Nobody's Child
doll-baby
tumbling
through hands
of the Master
falling fast
causing
porcelain
fractures
spidery-web
cracks
all through
the plaster
painted smile
on lips alabaster
broken doll-baby
tumbling faster...
Dec 18, 2010
Nobody's Child
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Read in sing-song fashion
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Wow
I've always found dolls quite creepy, so I find this poem strangely effecting, even though you are not referring to an actual doll.
I think that it would be better if you said baby doll, rather than doll-baby, but that is just my opinion.
Good stuff.
Love Lou xx
Dear Lou,
Thank you for your suggestion, but, this one has a very special meaning for me. When I was little they called me doll-baby. (and the poem is about me, as an abused child.) Thank you for reading and commenting. I always appreciate hearing from you!
love, cat
Dear Shirl,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me on this piece. I hope your holidays are very happy.
love, cat
Cat
Cat,
I remember this one from old Neo. It is a tragic piece which I love. The image here is so dark and deep.
The haunting image of the broken doll-baby is beautifully sad.
I may have to include this one on the site.
You have written so many fantastic poems that I thought I was being clever by using some from Caitlin and some from Eddy, but I still can't decide how many of yours to use...maybe 500 would be about right.
maybe www.hoodedandstyx.com
Hope you are ready for Yule.
Have you seen this website:
http://www.witchology.com/index.php
regards,
HS
Dear HS
You do me too great an honor, but Eddy, ego maniac that he is will greedily take it! For your site, you may take any and all that I have. I can't wait to see your new site and I will check out the site you have so generously given me.
love, Cat
Cat
Cat,
the witch website is really good, I stumbled across it whilst looking up 'Yule' and its origins.
Site is on its way...
thanks for the encouragement you've given me to craete the site and use your magical words.
love,
HS
'spidery-web
'spidery-web
cracks
all through
the plaster
painted smile
on lips alabaster'
- great descriptive cat
- and i love the tumbling effect
have i seen this before?
love and hugs
and hoping you are very well now
judy xxxx
Hi Judy,
Yes! you have seen it before. I wasn't sure if I had posted it before because of my short term memory loss due to meds given me at the hospital when an artery burst in my stomach. I am still recovering memories and getting better as time passes. I spent a month and a half in the hospital and had to re-learn how to walk again, too.
thanks for your input. I am so glad you have commented!
love, Cat
Dear Cat
i liked the use of doble spacing between lines to create the effect of the fall...and ofcourse the mood of this write....very effective...
Dear Raj,
It is always good to hear from you. Thanks for letting me know what you liked about the poem.
love, Cat
Dear Xena,
This one just came tumbling down out of my head. It practically wrote itself. I am both glad and sad, at the same time, that you can relate so easily to this piece. Thank you always for your support.
love, Cat
Cat
Cat,
the change has slipped in effortlessly. I understand your need to include those lines and they haven't detracted from the original at all.
It actually adds that extra detail to round off the poem.
regards,
HS
A brilliant poem
I just ran through the verses with such ease. It is deeply sad. No affection from the "master".
Fractures, cracks all through the plaster - like scars that never heal.
Terrible that children are subject to such cruelty.
Thank you for sharing your poems Cat - you are an amazing writter.
Love Mand xxxxx
Dear Mand,
Thank you for reading and your comment. Dan, Hooded Stranger, helped me with the line about the Master. And thank you for the wonderful and generous compliment!
love, Cat