if the eyes are not blurred,
and our ears can still hear-
the ranting madness of the early morning cock.
then we say,
a cat had cried like a cat
and the early morning sun had smiled as usual.
but what if
the seer cant see
the hearer cant hear
and dogs welcoming thieves
to get tips
then,
what do we call that.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
then,
then,
what do we call that. institutionalized corruption???
I like your poem, its strait to the point. I think welcoming should be welcome in order to keep the verbs in the same tense.
Exactly what is happening
Exactly what is happening here tyro
Question
Chiori,
For the line:
"and dogs welcoming thieves"
What was your intent. I understand there is a discussion about tense usage, but I find myself disagreeing for reasons I will share after I hear your intent. I do not want to impose my meaning on your work.
I like this piece, it serves a purpose of poetry to challenge and call out power.
This is not a rant friend
you speak on behalf of all
MAN
edit as suggested
twill enlighten the frame
I like,
I like this a lot, only change I'd make is. ( and dogs were welcoming thieves to get tips ) clever poem. Regards Roscoe..