THE ALCHEMIST
He draws a line in arabesque, to trace
a whirling smoke around the mortal band;
surprised vacancy wraps around a hand
that starts to sculpture beauty’s lovely face.
With hands in cosmic mist he would aspire
to fold back stars beyond the milky sea,
but what he finds, re-forms, increases ire,
where eye ahead of sense just cannot see?
And though his soul in sweet radiance blush,
in heaven’s twinkled call, in her full rush,
he struggles still to place her sweet face near,
in this instance of beauty’s presence here;
but he feels her loveliness everywhere
in lieu of letter, word, frame or brush.
Abode of Beauty
To sculptor beauty’s lovely face
he rolls raw force within a band,
But he’s so awkward, cannot trace
or find art’s ease within his hand;
with soul gone deep he would aspire
to flow into the milky way,
But what is there but call his ire
To search where mortals may not play.
And while his soul to sweetness blush,
in heaven’s twinkle, beauty’s rush,
he struggles still to place her near
that essence, beauty, present here.
Comments
I like the second part as a poem
the first part is a sonnet till the very end, which needs to rhyme as a couplet. The distant rhymes don't work because the whole poem follows the plan of a sonnet and then leaves you off key, like a sonata ending on something other than the tonic. Also the image of an Alchemist (in caps) is that of one looking to make gold from a combination of elements and all that, not so present in there.
The second poem might consider some reference to Pygmalion, the ancient Greek sculptor who fell in love with his statue which became alive thanks to Venus, who had her metamorphosis into human.
But it is I think it is a complete and nice poem
thank you Mark, but I did put
thank you Mark, but I did put a couple of fillers in to make the meter in the first poem.
Hi Eumolpus
Hi Eumolpus
I know the Shakespearean sonnet demands a rhymed couple at the end, but this is not demanded of all sonnets.
I prefer to use these definitions of alchemist:
any seemingly magical process of transforming or combining elements into something new:
NOTE
Today, alchemy is associated with wizards, magic, and the search for arcane knowledge.