If it was within our purview
All that we could imagine, all we could wish
If we could see our scope of possibility
Like one of those gadgets that use radars
To find the fish
If we could see the gold that we could mine
From every hour
Feel every emotion from our gut
Know our untapped power
Would we waste any more of our time
Twiddling our thumbs?
Or would we pick up ourselves
Crawl, then walk, then run?
Because it might just be a matter of perspective
Like a entrepreneur that has thinking
That’s prospective
What if there’s a reward for every
Stone that we overturn?
What if lighting a little flame
Could eventually make the whole world burn?
Purview might be my new favorite word
Even though the whole world calls me absurd
I want to look back on a life that’s jam packed full
Attain the heights of wisdom
By becoming a fool
Aug 27, 2019
Purview Might Be My New Favorite Word
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I like it...
These are all legitimate questions that we should be asking ourselves.
I like the "Dad" tone of this one. It reads very smooth like a good orator and poet would speak to a crowd. Put the word [for] on the end of the second line, it's not too cliche. and causes a stumble when the reader notices that it's not there. Radar is singular in this case, because you are saying "one of those gadgets". All in all, good writing! ~ Gee.
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i like your poem
playing with this little used word. It flows nice. I agree it had a oration stance...almost Platonic.
You are making a kind of Platonic argument here, looking at the central idea from different angles, but in the end
I want to look back on a life that’s jam packed full
Attain the heights of wisdom
By becoming a fool
Ok you want to achieve wisdom BY BECOMING a fool, but there is no set up for that. no thread.
Socrates in the Apology was asking to be cleared of sedition because he said that he knew he was a fool, and was only wise by knowing he's a fool. Everyone else in the gallery (who would ultimately condemn him to death) thought they were wise. So you don't become a fool, you just acknowledge that you ARE a fool to claim any wisdom. Your end kinda jolted me out of the poem, and I'm not sure now of what you intended.
I am sorry Gregwa8 but my
I am sorry Gregwa8 but my logic turns me away from you poem. I know this is not your meaning but your statements translate to me as "if we were gods".
if we could attain all the if's of your poem, without being gods, they would drive a human mind crazy.