Summer Love
I scattered sand
Took shells from the sea
Made a wedding band
Just for you and me
I wait with patience
For you to find me
Soft music makes sense
Palm trees planted three
With truth we will talk
To plan a future
Tie a knot type walk
A soft love venture
July it was for us
I had made in dreams
There you with no fuss.
A beautiful scene..
Yours Yenti..
Last Few Words: A quick write hence the last verse was not up to standard, Have since sorted a bit, hope it complies with the form
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
No problem.
You have couple of weeks to edit to whatever standard you desire
Mark
Many thanks for your read , mine is there to make up the numbers lol
Loved has read it and missed JULY in the poem
I was trying to write in that Penty what's it form.
Just a struggle, and it sounds forced ..
I will stick with my freedom lol,
Thanks again, Yours Ian
ur supposed to compose on (this) July's pleasures
not of years flown down ur Thames
EDIT it else it for DQ qualifies
Suggest you compose another one
I did in five minutes
before stan gave
the limitless extension
but I shall stick to my version
to competitions now
I have gained aversion
Loved
this piece was completely about July
or did you miss a word spelt J U L Y lol
have a great day,
Yours Ian..