gregwa8
gregwa8
Jun 04, 2019

Change Purse

Perhaps one day
These words of mine
Rattling around in my chest
Like cosmic dice

Will roll your way
Give you the courage
To take a gamble on the universe

Will inspire you to write
A lament on how you
Bet the farm
And lost

But how words were still there
A bottomless
Change purse
Of quarters

And how people
Kept appearing
Like slot machines
In your path

A lottery of winning
And losing
And winning again

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

5 years 10 months ago

The only criticism I have for this is, the image of words coming from your chest! I just kept bumping into that image and couldn't shake it. I suppose that might be a good thing, ordinarily, but in this case no. Once I replaced the word with [head or mind]; I went back an rolled through this poem with no problem! ~ Geezer. .